Hope Springs: A Christmas Tale
by T'Riva's Sarek Sanctum
Summary: Kirk, Sarek, McCoy & Spock spend Christmas together in an isolated cabin, but a visit from Kirk's niece and a dark secret of Sarek's make for anything but a relaxing vacation.
1. Chapter 1

**Hope Springs: A Christmas Tale inspired by Soap Opera & Shakespeare**

******Author: **T'Riva**  
>Series: <strong>TOS**  
>Pairings: <strong>Kirk/Sarek, Sarek/himself, Spock, McCoy, Original Character**  
>Warnings: <strong>NC-17, seduction; voyeurism; masturbation, drama & humor**  
>Acknowledgements: <strong>Sent out on its own. Sorry for any little oopsies.**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>Paramount owns these guys, I just take them out to play and don't get paid.**  
>Summary: <strong>Sarek, Kirk, McCoy and Spock try to spend Christmas together, but a visit from Kirk's niece and a dark secret of Sarek's make for anything but a vacation.

**Constructive criticism ALWAYS welcome!**

**Chapter One**

Captain Kirk thought his anxiety would dissipate when he arrived at the cabin, but his mind kept spinning on so many things. He felt guilt. He had Spock back; the Fal-Tor-Pan had been a success. But the year since had been devastating. Spock had had so much to regain, but it appeared as if fate would leave him without solid ground to steady him.

Spock's long-lost brother Sybok appeared, put them through another hell, then sacrificed himself, opening a door then slamming it before anyone could come to terms with what could have been. Then Spock's mother died. Kirk felt cheated and angry, for himself, more for Spock, but especially for Sarek, who lost Spock and against all odds regained him, only to lose Sybok a second and final time, and then Amanda who'd rarely left his side, and now had left it forever.

The grief had been apparent in the ambassador's few haunted glances toward the cameras just after the shocking loss. He'd been in solitude until only a few weeks back and emerged looking drawn, vulnerable, and remote. The father's imposing presence had dissolved and Kirk saw fear in Spock's eyes.

Sarek had requested that Spock come to Vulcan to settle the estate; ready to collect up his tremendous experience and over sixty years of memories of Amanda and stride off into the desert, to disappear. Spock refused. Months dragged by since their stalemate, with Spock anxious and uncommunicative. But McCoy drew Spock out and their closeness grew day by day, until the doctor was no longer the satellite of Kirk and Spock, but he became the satellite of Spock and McCoy, and his orbit seemed only to expand with time.

The two were even now talking and walking as they had so often in the last months, but around the large lake behind the cabin, instead of through the streets of San Francisco. Kirk knew he was being selfish, but he'd never felt so alone. He knew he only had to call out, but he'd never had to before. Spock had been redirected, as Kirk had been so often with the ladies, leaving Spock alone. So perhaps, it was fair. It might settle back to the way it had been, someday.

But that didn't help Kirk now, during the loneliest time of the year, after the most traumatic year of their lives, he felt abandoned. He realized he must be feeling some shadow of Sarek's pain. But Kirk's lesser dose of grief was likely only temporary. At least, he hoped.

Kirk started to feel drawn to the other abandoned one that had finally returned to Earth, for his discussion with his son. Spock would be relieved to see his father alive; a Christmas present Kirk would bring his closest friend. Perhaps Sarek might find connection enough between him, Spock and McCoy to continue. Grant his son and friends a lasting present that would make this trip and reunion, so worthwhile.

**~ooOoo~**

With the approach of the black aircar with polarized, hyper-shielded windows that hid the interior, some of Kirk's concern and loneliness dissolved, his apprehension and restlessness now at least felt directed. He straightened to parade stance and brushed invisible lint from the front of his turtleneck. The flutter that always inhabited his stomach around Ambassador Sarek had returned.

He'd thought by now he would be used to the man, but at least he could by now carry on comfortable conversation and enjoy his company, once he relaxed around him, that is. He regretted not having had a Scotch or two, but realized Sarek would likely smell it on his breath and wonder about Kirk, if not about the sensibleness of his visit altogether.

Kirk saw the sleek, unmarked diplomatic aircar settle along the side of the ragged lane. He could imagine Sarek turning off the impulse drive and release the safety harness. Imagine him glancing toward the cabin with some querulous thoughts about what he was doing, and concern about stepping out into that bracing cold with gusts tossing swirls of snow off tree branches and rooftops. The sky darkened ominously as dark clouds blocked the sun.

Kirk ran to the fireplace, lobbed a few of the larger logs onto the pile already burning; stoked it until it roared. He would offer Sarek the master bedroom, and as a private place for both Vulcans to meditate. He wouldn't mind the couch; he would feel less lonely at the social intersection of the cabin. He filled a mug with boiling water. Tossed in some of the newest Vulcan tea he'd found into an old-fashioned stir sieve to steep. He donned his parka and gloves, ready to run out and help the ambassador with his belongings.

He checked through the transparent steel windows, noticed the aircar door still sealed. Ambassador Sarek might have been on an important call. He felt disappointed and anxious at the thought that Sarek could be called away last minute just as he'd arrived. Started to realize just how much he wanted Sarek there. He'd been curious, of course, to interact with the man on a personal level, or at least in a less formal setting, but he'd mainly invited him for Spock's sake and to show Sarek that others cared and needed him, if that might help.

The door still didn't open as Kirk noted minute by minute passing. He wondered if Sarek had noticed him peeking out, or if he thought no one noticed him arrive and was having second thoughts. He had to wonder, absurdly, if the ambassador might just sneak off after traveling across the country. Kirk's anxiety grew. It wouldn't be logical, but somehow, as when Sarek had faltered at such in regard to his son, he might also falter with the loss of his wife.

Kirk strengthened his resolve to collect the perhaps reticent Vulcan . He pulled open the front door and tromped across the ice-packed, hardened dirt and gravel that marked the end of the lane and leaned toward the driver's window he couldn't see through. It didn't open. Kirk began to worry, since Sarek had to be quite distracted not to notice him approach, or Kirk's face at most a few feet from his.

He thunked his gloved knuckles lightly on the window. After more than a few moments, the window slid silently, away, releasing a torrent of heat and revealing Sarek looking a bit surprised, concerned and perhaps even guilty. Kirk was amused to see Sarek already in a wool cap and scarf over his very human-looking parka, wool sweater and jeans. He had to remind himself that Sarek had spent many holiday seasons with Amanda's parents and so had adapted.

"Captain, is everything alright?"

Kirk smiled. "I was going to ask you the same, sir." He stifled an uncomfortable chuckle.

"You need not be so formal." Sarek had sounded tentative, then looked away, "I was…otherwise engaged."

Such an ambiguous statement. Just what had he been doing in there? The comm unit was not in use, in fact it was completely dark. Kirk hoped Sarek hadn't driven through such a harsh environment with it off. If the rugged terrain didn't kill a crash victim, the cold, even more dangerous for a Vulcan, certainly would. He didn't think a logical Vulcan would be that foolhardy.

"Having second thoughts?" Kirk said lightly, his warmth shining through. "You can leave whenever you like, there's no required length of stay."

"It was not myself I harbored concern for," Sarek admitted. "Certainly my…reticence and reserve will not comport with the usual 'season of joy'." The reference to the holidays had sounded clipped, almost sarcastic.

"I think camaraderie and support is the most any of us could hope for this year, and you've lent more than your share already," Kirk said. "How long did we stay at your place? Would you refuse us the chance to reciprocate?" He'd said much the same when he'd coerced Sarek into coming. He felt little guilt under the circumstances. Sarek needed to be around those who cared, especially near his son. He needed to be brought into a new fold rather than allowed to drift off into a void.

Sarek looked nonplussed and a little surprised at Kirk's repeated not-so-subtle emotional blackmail. Could he read Kirk's anxiety behind his tight smile? "You are usually persuasive, Captain, though I do not comprehend your present motivation."

Kirk grinned. "I'm not so sure myself, sir." That had been a baldly truthful statement, surely undiplomatic, a little of his soul on display. But such seemed to affect Sarek, a man who prized sincerity above most things, who was as often undiplomatic in order to succeed, ironically, with his diplomatic end. Oddly, Kirk felt more secure with Sarek close by, though there was no threat obvious. Perhaps he just missed the bulwark father figure he'd grown used to on Vulcan those last months there.

The ambassador had fought for him as if he were his own son, and for the rest of the ex-Enterprise's mutinous skeleton crew. Spock as well as McCoy would have been lost if not for Sarek's singular stampede to Kirk's San Francisco apartment that one late night, when Kirk met the outraged, grieving father instead of the distant, formal ambassador.

They owed him much. Likely he felt he owed them, especially with all that went wrong-the loss of his ship, his son, almost his career but for the bizarre timing and coincidence of the drone on the verge of destroying Earth. But he couldn't imagine going back to having lost Spock, no matter the cost.

Perhaps it was a debt Kirk felt toward this man who now seemed in need himself. He wanted to help, to console, to better this Vulcan's existence as he'd done for Kirk, but there was something more he couldn't identify. He found he looked closer at this Vulcan, wanted to see him more clearly, see him as he really was-the essence of him that Amanda had seen. But why should he suddenly be driven to feel so? Questions, among many others, he hoped to answer this holiday.

Sarek bristled and shivered at the influx of cold. "If you call me Sarek, I will at least stay a short while. I have seen little of my son, and your company and the doctor's would not be unwelcome." He didn't meet Kirk's eyes. A strange, almost vulnerable, avoidance.

Kirk was surprised by the admission, but likely Sarek felt the need to verbalize his feeling of welcome. Kirk almost echoed his missing Spock himself, but the elder Vulcan had more than enough to deal with. That selflessness surprised him, as did the depth of his compassion for this Vulcan now.

Sarek released the cargo hold door and together they hauled in the many well-stuffed hover-bags, some from well-known, exclusive restaurants, others Sarek explained held the embassy chef's attempt at many of Kirk's, Spock's and McCoy's favorites of Amanda's dishes. Kirk bit back the jab of sorrow at the reminder but thrust away his reaction before Sarek might notice. He smiled instead at the prospect of five-star fare and some quality 'home-cooking' in such a remote and beautiful backdrop.

"That's a lot of food!" Kirk didn't hide his appreciation in the least. All was stored in stasis travel-boxes-they would stay as fresh and at the same temperature as when they were closed up, and could be left out of the cabin's only kitchen stasis box, which was already jam-packed with the fresh produce the Vulcans would require and the humans also would enjoy. They would eat like kings!

Sarek looked a little self-conscious. "It is the least I can do. Even Ichaya would not consume my culinary attempts." Kirk couldn't help but smile at the thought of the mammoth garbage disposal of a pet he'd seen pictures of, and heard so many stories of, turning up his nose at Sarek's cooking. The often stiff, formal man was beginning to let his guard down. Likely quite out of his element surrounded by chest-high piles of snow and bristling, volatile weather.

Even before they were halfway to the house, Kirk noticed Sarek shudder. The weather had been quite mild up until that very day. He only hoped it would soon return to its earlier temperateness. He brought Sarek to the couch and surprisingly met little argument as Kirk collected the rest of his things from the aircar and secured it. He was more concerned now. Sarek rarely if ever allow another to take on what he considered his obligations.

After everything was brought in and the aircar secured, Kirk brought Sarek the mug of hot tea and settled in on the opposite side in front of the roaring fire. Sarek looked a little dazed and quite tired, Kirk noticed. His face and even his broad shoulders had thinned. His cheekbones were more pronounced so that he looked more like his son. He had heard that a Vulcan's extra weight tended to increase his muscled chest and shoulders and not the waist fat as in most human males. Spock's added weight had seemed to evenly divide between the two, as if in compromise between the two halves of his heritage.

He also noticed how human Sarek looked in blue jeans, flannel shirt and hiking boots. With the thermal hat still covering his ears and most of his eyebrows, one would have to know he was Vulcan to recognize the differences-the sharper cheekbones, the slight tint of olive in bronzed skin a few shades darker than his son's, the slightly thinner hips, the more muscled chest, shoulders and arms of the middle-aged Vulcan male that Spock had only recently started developing.

Even Sarek's eyes glinted gold and green, correcting Kirk's assumption of them being just a lighter shade of Spock's sable brown. Kirk had always recognized this Vulcan's rugged handsomeness, but never felt comfortable looking too closely. Such just seemed too intimate for such an esteemed man.

He remembered further differences underneath the almost human-seeming exterior. What appeared to be little room in the groin area of the jeans for the somewhat larger genitals, and he had heard of somewhat more pronounced and doubled ridges, which made even a partial erection on a Vulcan male all too apparent in their unusually thin pants they commonly wore during the peak of the summers.

He'd heard that the thin pants in the summer had become a tourist attraction in itself since Vulcans, though more private in their show of emotions and daily affairs, were less modest with, or less self-conscious of, their bodies and mode of dress.

Though Kirk had noticed one quite explicit picture his niece had cut out from People's 'Sexiest 100' of Sarek about ten years back that left very little to the imagination. He had been almost unclothed, for him, on a mission to a planet as hot as Vulcan and walking along the beach, in very thin, tight off-white pants, with Amanda. He appeared quite filled out below with an erection and appeared unconcerned. Perhaps the beach had been deserted or private and the photographer hidden.

He smiled at his childish resentment of Sarek's long-standing attractiveness and the strange turn of his thoughts. He almost laughed at how jealous his niece would be if she discovered where her long-time heartthrob had been for Christmas. At 17 now, she was a force to be reckoned with. He remembered her inquiry about who would be joining him at the cabin and her not-so-subtle inference that she needed to get away from her mother and stepfather.

Now he only had to hope that Jane would not get wind of Sarek being there. He could not trust his young, exuberant pup of a niece not to cause trouble-at 17 physically, but about 13 emotionally, she was trouble anywhere she went.

"Spock and McCoy went for a walk around the lake," Kirk explained before Sarek could ask.

Sarek looked surprised and somewhat concerned.

"They're bundled up well." Kirk smiled. "It has become a habit of theirs, these daily walks." He realized there was a bit of resentment in his tone he couldn't quite quell. "And the weather seems to have taken a temporary cold turn as of today. Likely it will clear up by tomorrow."

Sarek looked at him several beats longer, as if sizing up Kirk and his tone. "It would seem that my son's hybrid nature has provided another advantage. I don't know if I could make it around the lake in this weather."

Kirk had to wonder how much of that had to do with Sarek's present condition rather than his full Vulcan physiology. "You do look tired."

"Yes," Sarek said. "But I am not sure that resting will resolve that."

Kirk could only swallow at that.

Sarek looked back at Kirk as if he had made some decision. "I think Spock will take some time yet to find his way back to the man that he was." His eyes held Kirk's a long moment. "One never forgets important relationships." Kirks saw the pain in Sarek's eyes. How applicable the same was for him now.

Kirk realized that Sarek had somehow gleaned his biggest fear and was trying to console him. He smiled at the elder Vulcan who had brought him some hope. If only he could find hope for Sarek, too. It was why he had chosen this rental from the long list of renovated-rustics available in these coldest months-it was only a quarter mile on a beautiful trail to Hope Hot Springs. He anticipated they would all make the trek to it and sit for a long soak together. The weather would have to change for Sarek even to step out onto the porch, however, even with its outdoor fireplace roaring between all of the chaise lounges.

They talked comfortably, about many things unimportant, both steering the conversation away from the more turbulent waters of their lives. The more interesting and important topics seemed off-limits, until at least he could fathom a way to ease toward them: whether Sarek would remarry, how far away his next _pon farr_ was (he remembered that Vulcans had to endure it sometimes beyond 170 and Sarek was only into his 120's, just about the equivalent of Kirk's own age of 50). He wondered about options besides marriage, and curious about Sybok, and Sarek's prior marriage, which he'd never read anything about, as if the media had been leaned on in much the same way as they had as soon as Spock passed his Kahs Wan and literally dropped off the radar. Kirk could only wonder how that was accomplished. Sarek glanced back over his shoulder every now and then, until Kirk decided on the best way to reassure him.

"They shouldn't be long now," he said. "This will actually be their third trip around the lake in as many days."

"I wasn't questioning your lack of concern, Captain," Sarek said. "I would know if my son were in danger by my parental bond."

Kirk felt surprise at that. He'd thought they'd both subdued that over the 18-year separation.

Sarek almost smiled. "A constructive side-effect of my assisting in my son's Fal-Tor-Pan."

Kirk remembered his own meld with Sarek at his apartment. It had been an eye-opener. Where he had always assumed that Sarek had suppressed his emotions enough not to respond to events, instead he found a torrent of unbridled grief, rage, frustration among many other emotions, even relief at the possibility of finding his son's katra and lust, he imagined for Amanda, were barely kept at bay by Sarek's ravaged emotional controls.

He could only imagine what Sarek had wanted to do to him when he opened the door with drink in hand to what looked like a party not long after Spock's death, understood fully with some perspective how the atmosphere of drinks and camaraderie, even laughing, he remembered, had looked to the distraught father.

He had better understood Vulcans with only that vague brush with Sarek's mind, and realized how judgmental he had been. He'd always assumed that most of the emotion he felt from Spock during melds had been due to his human half. For all the pompous claims of superior-feeling humans touting that Vulcans need not take such drastic measures as to attempt full control, he realized that most beings had no concept of what Vulcans wrestled with each and every minute of their lives.

Sarek still watched him, Kirk realized. "My son does not know that you invited me," he said sadly. "I should not stay long then."

Kirk frowned as he deduced that Sarek must have realized Kirk's attempt to surprise Spock and McCoy by his son's lack of emotion commensurate with soon seeing his father again. "I think he will be pleased, sir." They seemed to be slipping back into formality again.

"Do you?" Sarek asked, his tone sounded almost hopeful yet still concerned. "Or will I only be a constant reminder of what he has lost?"

Sarek stared into his tea, thoughtful. "If he is…pleased, I shall stay. If not…my son…we all…have been through too much to add further stress to your…holidays." A tone of irony that Kirk read as a sad reckoning to all the misery they had endured. How could there be celebration?

Kirk saw Bones and Spock approach the back porch. They seemed to be standing closer than he thought they would be, and talking in softer tones than he'd ever heard them use together. He wondered if as their minds brushed against each other when both housed in McCoy, had they both mellowed with understanding as stones smooth each other in a stream. He should be glad, but he missed that closenesshimself terribly.

They stepped in and both looked surprised as Sarek turned. McCoy grinned widely. "Well, well, Dad's here!" He looked particularly pleased to see the elder Vulcan. Spock grimaced at McCoy, some of the old irritation back suddenly. Kirk smiled, but was more surprised and pleased by the undisguised warmth and concern in Spock's eyes as he regarded his father.

Sarek stood, not so steadily, as both McCoy and Spock looked concerned and stepped forward. Spock stepped up for the familial embrace and, almost immediately, asked that everyone sit rather abruptly, likely for his father's sake.

McCoy piped up his usual, "How 'bout drinks all around? And I'll fix dinner! I've got some bottles of saya…"

"That would be welcome," Sarek responded, sounding more at ease.

Kirk felt irritation with himself. He'd not even thought to bring saya, even though he knew both Spock and Sarek enjoyed the alcoholic beverage prevalent on Vulcan. Was he that self-absorbed? Or just overwhelmed and distracted by all that had happened, was happening?

They drank and talked until dinner was prepared, or rather unboxed, as McCoy was directed to the five-star meals within the piles of stasis boxes heaped about the counters.

The dishes were delicious and well-chosen-a hot, spicy, moist and savory _h'renvoh_, a risotto-type casserole of Vulcan grain similar to Africa's couscous with mixed mushrooms, nuts and rich heady cheeses, also of Vulcan, the mixture of which smelled almost identical to steak; a light mix of lettuces, tomatoes, olives & peppers (all popular imports and now locally grown in Vulcan 'greenhouses') with a tangy light dressing the Vulcans dubbed together _Terrasen Salad_ (meaning "appreciated of Earth"); and _nilgah_, a sort of frittata of an egg-like base mixed with BBQ'd root vegetables similar to potatoes and onions, that had a piquant yet rich flavor of malt vinegar and caramelized onions with a touch of cayenne pepper, which had become very popular as a breakfast dish for humans to Vulcan's chagrin, since in its dried form it was a portable snack for outdoor performances, much like the human's popcorn.

The conversation was relaxed and free flowing all around as the winds outside howled and roared, but Sarek looked as if he was beginning to fade during the bittersweet chocolate-cognac mousse that had been Amanda's specialty dessert for celebrations. McCoy casually and subtlety, with the many years of practice with patients, directed him back to the couch as the others dispersed around him and continued their conversation.

Sarek's input seemed to fade as the next hour went by; his normally articulate and sophisticated asides and commentary slimmed to short and less focused until they realized he'd fallen asleep supported by the tumble of pillows off at the end of the couch. Silence descended at the unusual occurrence.

McCoy smiled.

Kirk looked at McCoy suspiciously.

"I did nothing but refill his drink a few times. He looked beat when we came in this afternoon; I'm surprised he lasted this long, to be honest."

Spock only stared at his father, as if he'd never seen him asleep, one eyebrow arching at the incongruity. Kirk had to admit the elder Vulcan looked serene and vulnerable, almost sweet, with his hair a bit rumpled into waves and his face relaxed. He couldn't help but smile, watching him.

"We could cover him up and let him sleep right here," McCoy offered.

Kirk shook his head. "I think he'd be more comfortable in the privacy of the master bedroom."

Spock stepped forward and gently laid his hand in the meld position on Sarek's face. "He is rather deeply asleep, but I will deepen it further so I can transfer him without disturbing him."

Spock lifted and carried his father into the bedroom with McCoy and Kirk following. Spock and McCoy talked in hushed tones for a moment then began to remove Sarek's clothes. Kirk felt strange viewing the son and doctor doing such. He didn't know why. Spock noticed Kirk's discomfort and looked confused. "I have had to do this for my father before, to help my mother. Nudity is not so unusual between Vulcan family members as it is between human."

Another cultural distinction, Kirk realized. Of course, with the requirement of Pon Farr plaguing all males with the only option of death, perhaps less stringent lines were pragmatic. He'd heard it was sometimes necessary, though rare, for a family member to step in to save a loved one during such.

Spock seemed almost uncharacteristically to prattle on, as if to reassure Kirk, which seemed odd. "My father showered with me when he first taught me to use a water shower when I was eight. My mother had said it was…adorable…and threatened to take a picture of us." Kirk grinned, imagining how embarrassed Sarek and Spock would have been to have such a photo exist, and realized, whatever Spock's intention, Kirk had actually become more comfortable.

Still, he had to wonder why Spock was trying to make Kirk more at ease around his father. Perhaps he also sensed that his father needed to be kept closer, that their threesome could become a foursome with him. It warmed him to consider the prospect though he'd thought that it might make him feel even more apart from Spock, his relationship to his closest friend even more diluted with the larger group, as if a spoke on a wheel he'd always been the hub of.

As the last layers were gently removed and Sarek lay naked between tender hands, Kirk felt his discomfort rise and realized he was staring at a length of naked, sculpted thigh and buttock he could spy between McCoy and Spock before they slipped the covers over him. He felt himself harden and turned abruptly from the scene, hoping neither man noticed his sudden and obvious erection.

This was hardly conducive behavior to his characterization of Sarek as a father-figure. It could be quite embarrassing if either McCoy, or worse Spock, should notice. He was renowned for his womanizing, and Sarek was practically family, not to mention Vulcan, very male, as well as quite dominant! He doubted Sarek would appreciate being viewed as a sexual object by him.

It confused him completely as to why he would suddenly be thinking of Sarek in a sexual way. Perhaps in his strange desire to get to know the elder Vulcan better, the barriers of his being the "ambassador" and "Federation council member" were slipping away without the accoutrements of office about him. They were also on holiday and relaxing more about each other. Something neither Sarek nor he were often allowed. Perhaps it was his own competitiveness? Seeing Sarek as a sexual conquest to beat all and somehow taking advantage of his temporary vulnerability to feel dominant of him? He certainly hoped he would be above that at least!

With Amanda's recent death leaving Sarek vulnerable, perhaps he was viewing Sarek more as a living, breathing being rather than a mighty obstacle or bulwark? Perhaps it was just his ever-ready lust trying to sort out the confusion of recent events in a more ordinary form for him. He had to smile at how Sarek might respond to his confusion remedying itself by the possibility of screwing him of all things. And he had been worrying about his niece? He shook his head and chuckled at his libido coming undone in the beautiful mountain paradise. But wasn't it almost any human's fantasy to have a Vulcan, though he'd assumed he'd set his sights on one of their petite, female variety.

Kirk remembered the heavy wool blanket that he'd meant to add to the layers to make sure Sarek wasn't chilled and retrieved it from the closet. He stepped in as McCoy and Spock were stepping out and lay the additional blanket over the sleeping Vulcan, still feeling disturbed at the intimacy of such, but not sure why. Still feeling compelled to stand longer than he should at his bedside for no reason, curious even to brush his fingers down Sarek's check as he slept. He started to reach, but stopped himself as suddenly. _Why would he feel such an odd compulsion?_

He turned to find Spock watching him with an odd look, as if trying to put together a puzzle without quite enough pieces. A slight smile graced his lips. "Father will be in better health with adequate sleep and regular meals." Here Spock sighed. "He has not slept well since Mother's death. Perhaps tonight he shall." Spock's voice sounded somewhat sad but hopeful, but he schooled his features so that his father would have been proud. Kirk thought that interesting since his father would never know. Kirk turned off the light and the moonlight bathed the room in a blue-white glow. An owl called out in the distance and the wind quieted, as if to allow Sarek a peaceful night's rest.

As he slipped the door closed, the chiming of the comm. system caught Kirk's attention and he headed for the dining area to answer. With a quick check he noted it was well after 10pm and wondered who might be calling so late with more than a little irritation. Then with apprehension, he worried that it might be an emergency from the embassy. He ground his teeth and hoped he was wrong; he didn't want to awaken Sarek after he'd been so exhausted. He especially didn't want him traveling in that condition, but he would have no way to prevent him from doing exactly that.

The screen lit up with the face of Jane, smiling a little too much and her eyes a little too hardened. Kirk swallowed; she wanted something, and he could guess what it was. They dealt with the preliminaries in short order. Jane's were a little rushed, her tone a little fevered. He didn't even bother to remind her of the time difference-she was a teenager, and if she realized she had imposed, she would forget the next minute anyway. Almost immediately, she asked who'd shown up.

He stifled the urge to sigh and forced a bland expression. "Just the usual suspects," he said and tried to change course by inquiring into how things were in San Diego. She would often start ranting about her parents and forget her original question. He noticed that McCoy looked curious, likely as to why he was being evasive. He blushed at the truth of how childish, forceful and yes, seductive she could be, and how he didn't trust her around Sarek. It would not be fair in the least for him to have to deal with her delayed adolescence, and clumsy, juvenile passes on top of everything else.

But she was like her uncle, a dog with a bone. She wanted names. Numbers to be exact. She wanted an excuse to find a vacancy so she could escape 'her evil parents' who likely wanted her to spend some time with them instead of clubbing 'til all hours. Luckily, with the present senior officers' history of rarely intersecting with Sarek due to each of their constant travels, she would never have guessed Sarek was there. But neither did he want to damage his relationship with her by lying outright. She could be so impulsive, and he wanted to feel secure that she wouldn't do exactly as she pleased, as she too often did.

But now she was suspicious after he reminded her of how late it was and how they were dog-tired and headed off to bed. He gave the usual line of never knowing how much time he would have with them, which he immediately regretted. Her lips tightened at that-she was thinking the same for herself. Kirk could have, should have, visited more often, and they both knew it.

"How is Spock doing?" She asked, sounding completely sincere. He knew what her next question would be however and felt himself tensing, more irritated.

"He's doing okay for losing his mother," he said softly. He noticed Spock didn't even look his way, but his eyes closed at the reminder.

Here it comes, he thought.

"And Ambassador Sarek?"

He forced down his anger at being used to pursue her obsession. "As well as can be expected…I suppose," he realized that the last had been appended after a bit too long a delay.

He noticed Jane's eyes narrowed at that. He hoped she wouldn't inquire further about Sarek, or the jig would be up. He put on his annoyed and tired 'uncle' face that tended to dissuade her from pushing the matter. He had not told her not to come, but she was mature enough to realize what an imposition it could be, especially to thrust him between her and her parents, who were decent and kind if only a bit strict. But they also would be supporting her through college and so she likely realized she had quite a good thing, better than most had, even himself at that age.

She left it at that, hopefully to get drawn into the dizzying Christmas festivities that he was glad to be apart from, this year especially. McCoy and Spock slipped off to bed, though he noticed both still had questions in their eyes. They would be asked, he realized, but at least not until breakfast. He headed for the large, comfortable couch, pleased to notice the fire still roaring. He fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

-ooOoo-

Kirk jerked awake, from noise he discerned but his memory and perception of it not clear enough to know. He thought he heard knocking, but blunter; as if there was work being done on another cabin nearby, had there been any others close enough. But the fire was still burning steadily, so it could only be about midnight or so, and it was still dark. The whole cabin seemed almost to shake with the dull thudding. Luckily, no one else had been awakened yet. He stepped through the living area and toward the hall trying to decipher the sound's location.

He stopped outside the master bedroom door, concerned because they had left Sarek in there fast asleep. What the hell could he be doing? Or somebody doing to him? His heart sped up. He wrapped on the door, but no response came. He turned the doorknob as quietly and slipped the door open, and peered through the moonlit room toward the bed.

The bed was banging into the wall, and with some force. Sarek was on his elbows and knees, thrusting. Kirk could clearly see his length of sculpted thigh and buttocks flexing. What the hell? Someone much smaller was beneath him, almost fully covered by his body, being held down, also naked. Sarek was having sexual intercourse with somebody! The shock of that, out of the blue, was as confusing as who could have shown up in the middle of the night.

Kirk thought to turn away quickly, but was too confused as to who could be there with Sarek and why they were having what appeared to be loud, enthusiastic sex in the middle of the night. The light waves looked like Amanda's. His stomach clenched. She was dead! What the hell was going on? He braced against his instincts to leave quickly, and instead, stepped closer, as they both seemed too distracted to notice him anyway. He had to know.

Sarek increased his tempo, pounding harder into the sprawled body beneath him. He was moaning now, his breathing ragged, obviously close to climax. Kirk's face flamed with embarrassment, he wanted so to back out, but he had to see the face. Felt compelled to understand, when suddenly…

His niece looked out from beneath Sarek's chest, with a big smile and said, "See, Uncle Jim! I told you he'd like me!"

Jim jumped at that and fell face first onto the floor beneath the couch. He noticed the fire was long dead and that dawn was just breaking, the soft pinks and purples painting the room. A nightmare. It had been only a bizarre and unsettling nightmare. But then he heard a soft moan-Sarek, and then he heard a door open down the hall and saw a figure quickly slip into Sarek's room. Kirk grabbed his robe and followed.

Spock was standing over the head of the bed. The bedding had been kicked almost completely off, only half covering his buttocks and legs. Kirk stepped close to see Spock touching his father's meld points again, and Sarek suddenly quieted. Kirk leaned over and grabbed the covers and pulled them back in place, trying not to notice Sarek's naked body.

He felt guilty about the seeming disloyalty of the nightmare. Why would his mind go there? But at the same time, he realized as quickly that he now had an erection again-from the nightmare, seeing Sarek naked again or just his morning usual he didn't know. He turned and bid Spock 'good morning' and shuffled away to the shower down the hall to take care of his 'problem'.

He tried to focus on his recent and best sexual experiences as he pumped himself under the pounding water, but his mind kept unearthing Sarek's thrusting and moans from the nightmare, his naked back, thighs and buttocks flexing. The tight, weighty balls revealed as his thighs separated for better leverage in his excited thrusting.

He chalked it up to the stress he still needed to release, as well as his sexual tension, and the call from Jane and seeing Sarek, or parts thereof of him naked-just an amalgam of anxieties, concerns, and discomforts blended together haphazardly, he decided. He guiltily let his mind wander to his 'vision' of Sarek close to climax, sans Jane of course, because it seemed the only thing he was responding to and his balls were aching.

Sarek was quite attractive, even quite sexy he'd grant him, Kirk rationalized, and Kirk had had some male partners, though he tended to choose the soft, supple curves of a woman. However, a Vulcan male tended to peak most being's interest since they were so unavailable and generally uninterested in anything other than a permanent bondmate, Vulcan and female, for good reason. And lying there undressed Sarek had looked so vulnerable and …acquiescent? Accommodating? He grinned.

Jesus Jim, say it like it was! He was asleep, for God's sake! There's kinky, as in using a sexual dream of Sarek getting some to get off in the shower, then there's just plain grotesque. He couldn't imagine what Sarek's reaction would be to his thoughts of his being asleep characterized as accommodating! And here he was worried about Jane taking advantage of Sarek's grief and vulnerability! He shook such thoughts from his head and reoriented himself and his stomach toward breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope Springs**

**Chapter Two**

Wondrous scents wafted through the cabin-coffee obviously, and he heard the pop and sputter of eggs and bacon, along with a scent he immediately connected with Vulcan, and Amanda – _ka'cha_, the delicious morning cakes of Vulcan origin that he remembered them all scarfing down, even Sarek, until Amanda patted her husband's almost nonexistent tummy. They reminded Kirk of waffles by their texture, but a spicier and less-sweet coffee cake or pumpkin pie by their taste. He remembered eating far too many, far too often.

He noticed first that Sarek wasn't at the dining table, likely still asleep. Then he noticed all eyes on him as he reached for his first _ka'cha_ and looked about for a mug.

"How's Jane?" McCoy asked with bright eyes, already focused on the hunt.

"Fine," Kirk replied and poured his coffee. "Sarek still asleep?"

McCoy laughed. "Yea, he was pretty wiped; I figure he'll wake up by lunch. He brought enough _ka'cha_ for an army. A good thing from the way I've seen you and Sarek put them away!" He snorted at that and smiled. "He also brought a huge container of those cubed fruits and cheeses that everybody loved." He sampled a few of the dice-sized morsels even before he finished speaking, eyeing the almost clear, glimmering edible sealants that kept them fresh and less messy – sort of like candy-coated chocolates from Earth, but without the crunch.

Kirk sauntered over and smiled at so many of his favorites in the bowl. He snagged a blue tangy cherry/lime tasting fruit cube he remembered well, as well as a maroon cheese cube that tasted similar to blue cheese mixed with brie and chewed while preparing his coffee.

"Jane getting ready for college?" McCoy asked, none-too-subtly.

"Yea," Kirk mumbled through his _ka'cha_, fruit, cheese and coffee all at once to McCoy's head shake and rolling eyes. His morning shower had left him starving. He blushed at the material he had used, glad not to face Sarek so soon after.

"Should I call Jane today for more detail?" McCoy asked with a sly look.

"NO!" Kirk barked even as he realized his mistake, then stared into his coffee.

Both McCoy's and Spock's eyebrows lifted at that.

"There's a lot going on," he said, as if that should be explanation enough, then brightened. "So what's planned for the day? You think the weather will clear so we can go to the springs?"

Both McCoy and Spock stared at him.

He realized they would not let it go. "She wants to come to the cabin for Christmas."

"And…" McCoy asked, obviously confused.

"I'd rather have Sarek here," Kirk admitted.

"I didn't realize they were mutually exclusive." McCoy's deadpan even brought a twitch of a smile to Spock's face.

"Perhaps next year, when things are more…recovered," he said.

"Sarek likes kids," McCoy piped up. "Hell, he teaches whole classrooms of kids almost that age at the VSA, all species, and they adore him from what I've seen. He'd be a good influence!"

Spock kept his mouth closed at that and an eyebrow cocked up. "At least with those unrelated to him," he offered with dry humor, but only received a glare from McCoy.

"I was worried about _her _influence on _him_." Kirk felt irritated and embarrassed to have to embroil his friends in his niece's teenage angst, obsession and irresponsibility.

McCoy looked more confused. "Sarek's a battleship!" Then he rethought that. "Okay, lately maybe a sturdy tugboat, with the nav on the fritz, and maybe a few leaks, repairable though…but what can a 17-year-old do to him?"

Kirk blushed at that. "You haven't seen her, Bones." He cleared his throat. "She's filled out, and learned quite a few tricks."

"A regular Lolita? With Kirk perseverance and charm?" McCoy smiled hugely, then shook his head. "You know how many women, hell, and men, have likely tried to get into Sarek's pants?"

Spock dropped his fork loudly.

"Oh, sorry 'bout that, Spock! I keep forgetting you're related."

That drew a glare from Spock now; a big improvement from when father and son acted like they didn't even know each other, Kirk decided. Not to mention that McCoy was starting to irritate Spock more, which seemed more like it used to be.

"Sarek's not himself," Kirk said. "I don't think he'd fall for her schemes, but why should he have to go through that misery?"

"Why would you believe she would focus her attentions upon my father?" Spock asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Kirk swallowed; he had hoped to avoid this part altogether. Maybe a few subtle clues and they'd back off. "She wants to focus on diplomacy, physics and linguistics in college." He realized too late that he had likely overdone that.

McCoy looked confused by the seeming non sequitur.

Spock looked mildly surprised by the bizarre coincidence. "Then my father would be in a better position to guide her since those were his and Mother's specializations in school."

Kirk shook his head at Spock's naiveté and went for the clincher. "Did you know, Spock, that your father has been on People's 100 Sexiest List since his first visit to Earth?"

Now Spock looked confused. "Which peoples?" He cocked his head the other direction now, reminding Kirk momentarily of the boxer named Spud he'd had as a kid.

McCoy laughed out loud. "Jim, I know YOU don't read People, so I would have to guess that Jane does."

Kirk turned back to Spock. "I was going to introduce Jane to your father when I worked at HQ, until I saw she had his holos all over her bedroom. Hundreds of different holos." He thought it best not to mention that Amanda had been excised out of many of them, and that Jane had even inserted herself instead.

Spock stared at Kirk, looking completely baffled. "_I_ only have a few holographic images of him. And why would one adorn a room in holos of a person they do not know?"

McCoy was still laughing. "Boy, I had a few crushes when I was that age. Damn, if I'd been in the same room with…" Then his face registered the problem. "Oh! I get it!" Then he snorted so hard he couldn't down the last of his coffee. "But it would certainly be entertaining!"

Spock still looked confused and shook his head, which he had been doing a lot since spending more time with McCoy, like a barn cat with mites in its ears.

They resealed the stasis boxes and adjourned to the living room around the now-roaring fire, relaxing and awaiting the weather to clear.

~ooOoo~

As Spock wandered off to the shower, McCoy gave Kirk another sidelong glance. "So what else is going on?"

Kirk flushed; McCoy and his seeming sonar. "It's nothing."

"Not nothin' if it's bothering you."

Kirk shook his head. "Just a nightmare, a dream-it made no sense."

McCoy looked back to make sure Spock was gone. "Did it involve Sarek?"

Kirk almost dropped his hot coffee into his lap. "Now why would you think that?"

McCoy had a soft smile. "Oh, there just seems to be something going on between you two, not sure quite what. Do you blame him for any of…the recent events?"

"Of course not!"

"Feel guilty about what he's been through?"

"That would be ridiculous!"

McCoy smiled again. "Just because it seems ridiculous doesn't mean it's not true."

Kirk sighed and looked over his shoulder. "He was having…relations…with Jane."

McCoy almost choked on his coffee. "Certainly more interesting than my dreams of re-cataloging blood types as the nurses sang old ditties. Wanna trade?" He had a lewd grin and waggled his eyebrows. "I'd have dream-holo'd that one for future viewing."

Kirk glared at McCoy.

"Please, Jim. They're both attractive, and I'm not related to either. So what's the fuss?"

"She's a minor!"

"It was a dream, for God's sake! And she's hardly a kid anymore. In most places she'd have her own kids already!" McCoy was still smiling. "Makes me wonder what prompted it, and how long did you watch?" He snorted, then raised his hands in mock defense. Besides, from the looks of it, it might be just what the doctor ordered, for Sarek at least."

Kirk's expression changed from anger to bewilderment.

"Do I even want to know what _that_ means?" Kirk looked hesitant but curious.

McCoy stared into his coffee. "Just that I would have to assume Sarek is still having a mighty hard time meditating…ergo certain…urges are still bothering him rather frequently, from the looks of it… Don't tell me you haven't noticed, Mr. Ever-Ready yourself." The doctor cleared his throat and didn't meet Kirk's eyes. "He did have an enthusiastic partner for fifty years. And was married before that too. He probably has never had to consider what to do about…this issue. Someone always took care of it for him."

Kirk was starting to regret asking as he started to understand. He remembered from reading McCoy's recent paper on the little Vulcan biology he'd been able to acquire that meditation was used to suppress both emotions and sexual urges, at least until an appropriate time for release. And that difficulty sleeping as well as stress inhibited the ability to meditate. A vicious cycle that fed on itself.

He had thought Sarek's pants looked quite tight in that certain area, but had chalked it up to the angle he was sitting, the tighter pants and his somewhat larger endowments. Could he have had a hard-on? If McCoy also noticed, it must not have been just a momentary difficulty. Perhaps this contributed to Sarek's reticence at being there? Kirk felt himself blush and resolved not to look below Sarek's waist. _Good Luck,_ he thought, he'd already briefly checked him out down there for no reason whatsoever!

He looked about to pursue that line when Sarek entered looking somewhat dazed, and a bit rumpled, even though he appeared to have put himself in good order. Kirk decided it was more in his sleepy eyes and lack of focus than his clothing or grooming. He uncharacteristically ran his fingers through his hair, mussing the perfect lines and freeing it into waves, then glanced over at Kirk and McCoy.

McCoy couldn't help grinning. "What was the last thing you remember, Sarek?"

Sarek blushed ever so slightly. "It was night. We were discussing... I was sitting on the couch, or..."

"Well…good afternoon!" McCoy crowed.

Sarek frowned and looked out into the bright light.

Kirk had to smile at Sarek's confusion and loss of composure. It appeared his time sense was loused up, too, which could be risky out in the cold. He also noticed Sarek wore a thick sweater just long enough to mask any erection he might have.

"Is there coffee?" Sarek shuffled toward the kitchen.

McCoy and Kirk rocketed up and hustled over to help. Sarek looked to be a liability around hot liquids and breakables.

"Do you feel like breakfast or lunch?" McCoy asked, trying to suppress his grin at his second reminder of the late hour. And the realization that he opened himself up to a monologue of why a sentient being should feel like a repast.

"I require neither at this time, but thank you."

"Okay, but do you _prefer _breakfast or lunch now. You're not in any condition to skip a meal." McCoy had slipped into his somewhat gruff doctor-tone.

Sarek blinked, dumbfounded at what appeared to be an order, befuddled at what he wasn't used to, Kirk presumed. Sarek turned to Kirk who set the coffee he poured for him on the table and pulled a chair out. He looked vaguely suspicious at the almost conspiratal solicitousness.

Sarek appeared to have the wind pulled from his sails as he sat almost dutifully. "Some _ka'cha_ would be amenable, if there is any left."

McCoy guffawed at that. "Jim barely made a dent in it, you brought so much."

Kirk mock-glared at McCoy. "I only ate 10."

McCoy's face went slack as he turned toward Kirk.

Kirk smiled. "Okay, five."

"Still a few too many for your waistline," McCoy said.

Kirk glared for real, then watched Sarek with concern.

Sarek was curiously quiet and compliant, which didn't bode well for his health. McCoy seemed also to have noticed as his smile faltered. McCoy seemed prepared to stare over Sarek's shoulder until he finished the ample plate of five _ka'cha_ before him. Sarek sighed and focused intently on his designated meal. Kirk pulled McCoy away and angled him out the back door to collect more firewood to give Sarek some peace.

Sarek relaxed as he heard them exit the cabin. He was still rather cognizant of his problem, trying to refocus on what he had always seemed to enjoy before, but the treats did not distract him. He barely noticed the texture or the flavor and shifted once again, glad to be rid of the audience who would have been curious about the Vulcan's uncharacteristic movements.

He was relieved that he had thought to bring some of his longer, thicker sweaters. Logically, he shouldn't be embarrassed about such a state since he was still a normal, virile, adult Vulcan male. But the small space, thin walls, and frigid temperatures outside limited the possibilities for privacy, and therefore for release.

He would need to find solitude to deal with it by last resort. It was apparent meditation would not suppress the urge, even after a reasonable night of rest. He regretted not considering a healer's advice after Amanda's death, but there had been too much to deal with to have thought for such frivolity. He did not anticipate that it would cause so much distraction and distress, especially as the cabin came into view. He wished his arrival hadn't been noticed so soon; he barely had time to refasten his pants before Kirk tapped on the window. It could have been exactly the private, soundproofed solitude he needed.

Amanda had always noticed and took care of such urges, often even before he could suppress them. She had seemed quite determined and adamant in disallowing meditation for such and perhaps he had fallen out of practice for such. He remembered some of her measures for relief besides the expected mating between bondmates-her dainty, soft hands, her supple lips and questing tongue-his pants tightened further.

He was being illogical in his focus on what he would never experience again, though his lust tried to tempt him with high-end, discreet services, solicitations for which appeared in his personal mail, curiously almost immediately upon his wife's death, and ever since. He had also been approached by many overly-friendly female acquaintances and colleagues, to his surprise, as well as several males, quite interested in bringing him to their homes late at night.

He had also wondered at the tremendous rush of offers of lunch, dinner, drinks or events, and what might have been implied then or later had he taken any of them. Could those also have had sexual connotations, since this specific flood of offers were by those who had not attempted such earlier, but only after his wife's death? It felt as if a sea of sex had flowed forth to fill his dimple of need, or at least what should have been a dimple with proper meditation..

It was ironic that now he was more attuned to such possibilities, but perhaps it was for the best. None of those options were discreet enough or without risk of serious expectations, discovery or blackmail. He was in no position to allow such risks to his family, clan, Vulcan, the Federation, or those who depended on his reputation and influence as even the Enterprise crew had not long back.

He sighed and tried to focus on his study of the climactic conditions in the area and the possibility of the temperature increase as Kirk predicted so he might find a trail to follow for a 'short hike' alone for his solitude, and relief. But even his concentration was too reduced by the now hefty bulge and too little denim constricting it.

A sudden wrapping at the front door distracted him from his uncharacteristic sulking. His curiosity pounced to the forefront and he stood and looked around. No one came forward to answer, so he walked over and peered out. A young human female stood on the porch rubbing her gloved hands together. Sarek could not help but wonder why she might be doing such as the friction of the gloves would offer so minimal an increase in entropy to offer any significant heat.

He opened the door. "May I be of assistance?" he asked.

She stared at him. Her eyes grew large and she uttered not a sound.

Sarek's eyes were immediately drawn to the significant cleavage and slashes in her tight denim pants that showed much of the pale, soft skin of her thighs. He looked back at her face, quickly, before other parts of his body responded with more than a twitch and slight further swell, and castigated himself for his distraction and unseemly behavior before he could curtail it.

He decided she might not speak English, even though few tourists would be wandering so far from any of the metropolitan areas, especially in such weather.

"Do you speak English?" he asked, realizing the illogic of the question since if she didn't, she know what he was asking?" Perhaps his thought processes were disabled by his tumescence, as his wife often theorized. She was well-bundled (except for cleavage and thighs). He determined she was likely in no danger of imminent hypothermia.

She shivered and he realized his neglect. "Come in. Warm yourself."

She still stared at him, without a word, but luckily stepped through the door. Sarek felt thankful to have at least curtailed what felt like ice razors slicing his hands, face and neck. Still she only stood mute with wide eyes.

"Can you speak?" he asked, realizing another assumption he had made, as if even his seasoned, almost automatic, diplomatic skills had been leeched from him in the cold. She did not seem even to respond by movement or reaction. Her big eyes still stared at his face.

He became concerned that he frightened her, but then why would she have come inside? Perhaps she had been out in the cold too long or had been in an accident? Her hair seemed wild and untamed and there were those tears in her pant legs but no injury to the flesh beneath or to her coat. Sarek decided he needed help with this confusing visitor.

"I will return in a moment," he said softly so and continued through the back door. Kirk and McCoy approached with armfuls of firewood. Kirk must have noticed Sarek's quick approach for he froze almost mid-step and McCoy plowed into him, losing his hold and dumping snowy firewood all about their feet as both leapt away cursing.

Sarek raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, looking somewhat amused but concerned. "There is a young, mute female I just allowed entrance."

Kirk looked pained. "Dammit! Jane!"

"Hi, Uncle Jim," she squeaked from the entry. Kirk couldn't help but brace for impact.

Jane poured out her outrageous tale of woe. She was an addict of soap operas but raised by experienced and cynical parents who never bought her spiel. Uncle Jim translated all of the diversion of responsibility and exaggeration in his head. _She had been bored and frustrated. Picked a fight with her mother then stepfather. They grounded her. She snuck out and stole the stepfather's flitter instead of her mother's because it had her favorite music in it, and it was a long drive. _ _Now she would wreak havoc in their little cabin far, far away from any help. End of story._

He considered locking her in the hall closet for the interim but noticed the rapt Vulcans and realized he might have a problem with that. He doubted Vulcans had experience with such a load of stellar waste as she just dumped at their feet.

She had always been a good actress and a convincing liar. From the viewpoint of a Vulcan, it would seem her world had crumbled through no fault of her own. There'd been no food in their home and she'd been starving (she wanted only pizza). Her parents were no better than jailors, and she had been locked in her room (of her own accord) with no heat (regardless that it was San Diego and about 72 degrees last he checked). He doubted they even realized that her pants were purchased ripped and cost a fortune for that.

From a Vulcan's point of view surely there was neglect, even child abuse, especially on such a damp and cold planet, and during the winter season. Uncle Jim was her last hope and family was of prime importance.

Spock and Sarek appeared quite concerned as they turned their attentions to the uncle, who did not look pleased, with anyone in the room, which seemed wholly illogical but of little consequence when there was an neglected, possibly abused child in rags to protect and render aid to.

McCoy, who knew human teenagers, seemed quite amused by her ease at swaying the Vulcans, and curious at the dynamics of the household should she stay. The entertainment could be just what he needed. A little drama could also bring some sense to the emotional logger jam they had all seemed to be caught in, Sarek most of all.

Jane had learned well and came across as the young but mature and intelligent sophisticate. When she pleaded to be allowed to stay, the Vulcans stared at Kirk in silent bequest, and McCoy egged her on, knowing full well her story was a load of crap. No one would be any help in prying her out of the cabin and back into the flitter 'borrowed to save herself'.

Kirk glared at McCoy.

McCoy employed his best innocent expression.

And so, Jane stayed, at least until she could drive back home rested and in full daylight. Kirk had a bad feeling that she'd not be leaving so quickly or easily as he hoped, and that their relaxing and restorative holiday may promptly dissolve into neither.

After three hours, Kirk's mood only grew darker with each wave of giggles from his niece. She had the Vulcans snowed and Sarek seemed intent on spending every minute with her while Spock and McCoy wandered off on another walk around the lake.

The sun was bright and high in the sky and the temperature had climbed to record levels for that time of year-perfect for visiting Hope Springs. He had been happier alone and lonely the day before. Now he was aggravated by an annoying ingénue with a crush jabbering at a clueless, likely still very horny Vulcan by her side, in what appeared rapt fascination.

Kirk would have thought Jane would have run out of questions in three hours. He'd never had more than minutes alone with the ambassador and been too respectful and courteous to ask most of the questions she had. Somehow she got away with an abashed look or biting her lip with a concerned preface to ask just about anything. Kirk had been fascinated by most of Sarek's answers for the first hour, but Jane's giggling and fawning had become such an irritant that Kirk couldn't even concentrate on the conversation for almost two hours now.

Then she placed her hand within an inch of Sarek's erection, barely noticeable under the thick rolls of sweater bunched together just 'conveniently' so. Kirk jumped out of the recliner, surprising both Jane and Sarek into sudden silence. Sarek looked tense, because of Jane's hand or Kirk launching at that precise moment he'd never know, but he had to cover as he tore his eyes from her hand, still too near Sarek's crotch. Sarek only needed to lean forward ever so slightly for direct contact, direct enough.

He had wanted to yank Jane's hand away, give her a good long lecture on appropriate behavior, and considered worse measures for Sarek, likely due as much to his black mood as to the elder Vulcan giving Jane such leeway as to almost offer an invitation to fondle him. But more than anything, Kirk wanted his holiday back. He was imagining and exaggerating too many things, he presumed. He needed some air was all, he decided.

He realized both Jane and Sarek still stared at him. Both almost looked apprehensive, if not guilty. Likely only his imagination again. Jane did slide her hand from Sarek's thigh, at least.

"I'll go chop some wood before we run low," he said easily and stepped out onto the back patio out of view. He seemed oblivious of the massive pile of firewood he, Spock and McCoy had already chopped, and brought in only the few hours earlier. It loomed almost to the ceiling. They had joked that they'd better burn some before it fell over and crushed someone to death.

Before Kirk could raise the ax even a second time, Jane was at his side. "Where's your boyfriend?" He asked. His sarcasm felt a little too cold. He tried to smile but it came out a grimace.

She scowled. "He went to meditate." Kirk hoped the scowl was directed at his sarcasm. Surely, she couldn't really believe his characterization of Sarek as her boyfriend?

"I'll bet he did," Kirk said, his voice still tight in anger. He noticed that the rips in her jeans seem more pervasive and wider, showing far more skin than he realized, and that the view changed depending on the angle, but encompassed most of her hips and legs. He swallowed. How much had Sarek seen? He also noticed that her hip-hugger pants rode even lower than he remembered and were quite tight in all the right areas to catch a man's eye. He wondered if he could get away with subjecting her to wearing a pair of his, belted of course.

She leaned forward to play with a button on his jacket and Kirk realized that most of her generous breasts were clearly visible from the angle Sarek would have seen. As her uncle, how had he been so blind? But, Sarek could have moved away, stood or removed her hand. Was the ambassador too distracted because of his arousal, and too unused to the condition to compensate for it? Was she really flirting with him, or was it simply hero-worship, adoration of someone from afar, filled with hopes and dreams made up mostly of the denial and delusion of the teenage years?

Did she even realize how incredibly forward she was being toward a Vulcan? She had acted as a bondmate would in private, before mating. Sarek had to believe that teasing would be illogical except as a precursor to copulation. Did she not realize that to a Vulcan that might be an invitation, in fact an aggressive seduction? Sarek could easily have felt her desires, her lust and likely her images of what she wanted when she touched him. She might has well have jumped on top of him!

"Does it take long?" She asked, her impatience obvious.

Already she seemed needy of him. It was disgusting and absurd that she'd even have a clue what would be required of the wife of a Vulcan, especially one in Sarek's position. It wasn't just sex and posing for photographs. Was he so naïve at that age? But the photographs made the ambassador and his life seem so glamorous from his niece's point of view. And likely one continuous sexual fantasy.

Kirk froze, flashes of his dream recurring, then he remembered her earlier question. "Depends on how much he needs to deal with, I guess." A lot, he surmised. Calves, thighs, breasts, provocative giggles and a hand very close to his erection, which must be enormous by now, he imagined. And why did Sarek think that meditation might suddenly do the trick now? It made little sense.

"I'm going for a walk," Jane said, as if pulling the thought out of thin air as she closed her coat tightly. She strutted off forcefully, as if on a mission. Kirk looked after her suspiciously; rather surprised she wasn't standing outside Sarek's door with her ear to it. She disappeared into the trees in the distance and Kirk took his anger out on the logs, producing much kindling.

Sarek stepped out onto the back porch, to Kirk's surprise. He stepped down the steps to the patio as Kirk looked up and noticed he was well bundled up, even for a Vulcan.

A frown tugged at Kirk's lips at the timing. "Going somewhere?" He asked. His first concern was that Sarek was ready to escape Jane by leaving the cabin altogether. Why else did he try the last ditch and short-lived effort at meditation? Kirk felt badly for his paranoia and anger directed at the ambassador and saddened by the end of their chance to get to know one another. It seemed he had been correct initially about Jane's effect, after all.

"I determined that a short hike might be beneficial," Sarek said, looking out at the snowy landscape dubiously.

Kirk's relief tangled with his renewed paranoia and anger that had returned full-force. _Interesting timing._ He nodded at Sarek because he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't end their association immediately and likely look the fool. He was tempted to follow, but with Vulcan hearing and the crunching of fresh snow as well, as the tracks he would leave, it would be obscenely obvious, if not pathetic. He was letting his paranoia take flight again, he was sure. He was almost acting the hysteric.

At the same time he felt left out again and resented that he didn't have Sarek's company yet again. He was tempted to ask to join him, but got the impression Sarek would have invited him had he desired company and he knew Vulcans treasured their solitude, needed it at times. But he _was_ Vulcan, and it _was_ cold. He would likely be back soon, and Jane would be gone the next morning. He hoped.

He still watched Sarek tromp off into the snow. He didn't insult the ambassador by reminding him to stick to the trails, his own footprints would be easy for him to follow back or to reach him if they had any worries. The day was clear and there weren't any storms on the horizon, or expected. The cold would likely bring the Vulcan back too quickly for anything disastrous to happen, as long as he didn't go too close to the water. But again, Vulcans and large bodies of water didn't mix well either. He doubted Sarek would approach the lake unless it was a matter of life or death.

He couldn't help but notice that Sarek walked off in the same direction as Jane. And her footprints would be just as easy for Sarek to follow. Kirk shook his head. _What the hell is wrong with me? _He knew Sarek well enough, didn't he? But he knew a married Sarek with his head on straight, without a raging hard-on. God, he would be relieved when Jane was gone. He tried to focus on his plans after.

Sarek had been walking almost fifteen minutes before he stopped to look back toward the cabin in the distance. He decided it would look less odd if he didn't look back too soon in case someone were watching him. He felt relief that no one had asked to come along. He stepped off the trail toward the lake as it appeared sunnier and therefore warmer there. He eyed the foreboding body of water, decided he didn't have to look at it at all, with what he planned.

He looked back over his shoulder. Though his footprints would make it easy to follow him, he was far enough off the trail that anyone on it wouldn't notice him sitting there. The other footprints he saw had continued on, likely that person was too far away to see anything through the trees between. The path was meant to tour the lake, after all.

The view of the lake was spectacular he heard, but Sarek was too intent on his chronic problem, and of too contrasting an upbringing, to appreciate the beauty of frozen landscape. He sat down, his back to a tree and waited momentarily, he didn't know why exactly. He had not done anything like this since he was quite young, in childish curiosity before he had learned better control. He hoped he would still have the skill necessary.

He sighed, then unzipped his pants. Even in the frigid air his cock rose stiffly. He quickly settled his hand upon it, both because of the cold and because he had wanted to so badly for quite some time now. He was rewarded with an immediate excitement that caught him so by surprise it caused him to cry out. He flushed with embarrassment and hoped no one had heard.

He hadn't felt quite so foolish in a very long time, not since he walked into a hotel pool while on the communicator and had three lifeguards and four tourists jump in to save him, though he'd only fallen into the shallow end. _Did other species think Vulcans too ignorant to stand up rather than drown?_

He had never seen Amanda laugh so hard as when he had to admit why he had come to the room completely soaked on a clear, dry summer day. She had chastised him for not watching where he was going and for working too hard. Far worse, it was all over the hotel and then all over the media within hours. Luckily, no one had taken a picture of him drenched and trying desperately to avoid the temptation for a full body shake to relieve himself of much of the water. Though he tired of the pool references somehow wedged into too many conversations for several weeks after. A sense of humor seemed quite hostile too often from too many species.

~ooOoo~

Jane laid on the tall, flat rock that jutted almost ten feet into the air beside the lake and stared out over the frozen pale blue and white. After brushing off the snow, and shifting back and forth to sun-warmed spots, it wasn't half bad. From this distance, she could see the differentiation of thickness in the ice. Some parts were too thick so that it might as well have been a pile of snow, but near the edge along this side, it looked quite precarious, only the thinnest of sheets. And with the warming it would start to crack and thin, offering only a dangerous promise of protection at best from the freezing water beneath. She had received too many warnings growing up to trust that surface at all.

She wondered about Sarek's experience in this type of landscape. She hoped he would at least leave the cabin. She fantasized about teaching him to ski on a bunny hill and having him topple atop her and be concerned he'd hurt her. She smiled. There were so many things she would like to teach him of this world. She had never been handed such an incredible opportunity however and felt so lacking in ideas as to how best to take advantage.

She had to figure a way to get him to want to spend more time with her. She just knew if he got to know her, he'd see how right they were together. If only she'd been able to slip her hand just a little closer, but her eagle-eyed uncle had been aware of her every move, though in almost the last two hours he had missed most of her innuendo. The ambassador had paused a few times seeming a little surprised, but she was not sure if he just didn't understand and had decided not to bother asking for an explanation.

At one point she realized her uncle hadn't been listening and she'd asked if the ambassador were warm enough at night and just to come see her if not. That was when she had placed her hand on his thigh and was about to shift it under the suspicious rumple of thick sweater. Unfortunately, Uncle Jim seemed to have noticed and Sarek seemed stunned, likely finally fully registering what she was offering.

She had seen older men only look to her face and around her and not at the obvious work she put into her sexy look. She knew, like the others, he had been avoiding looking at her body because it was affecting him. She only needed to shift her hand under the lap full of sweater to prove her affect and make clear her intent. She could please him, she was sure of it.

If only her uncle wasn't hanging onto him so much. Her bitterness welled. Her uncle got everything he wanted, and he hadn't even mentioned Sarek was here! She felt fury toward him and decided he'd be best to leave behind if he wouldn't accept her love for Sarek, their rightness for each other.

A movement caught her by surprise only about twenty feet away. Sarek! She almost gasped but realized he might hear her and held her mouth shut. He was sitting against a tree looking out at the lake, no his eyes were closed, and…she stared at his lap. Her eyes widened as she noticed his erect penis in his hand. She knew it! He wanted her! He started to fondle it and cried out, then quieted and looked around as if someone might have heard.

Jane smiled as he looked in her direction, but not high enough and hadn't noticed her through the foliage. Most were unaware of this perch, she decided. She had only found it because her hairpin fell out as she was redoing her hair, and she discovered a tunnel likely used by deer. The sun also had crept behind her and was shining toward him. He likely only saw bright snow and shimmering branches in her direction. She settled back for the show, feeling a little guilty but had started to weave a plausible way to improve her odds at landing the ambassador.

Her excitement built as he began pumping his thick organ with purpose and laying his head back once again. His eyes closed and his lips opened and she saw the puffs of steam as his hot breaths began to accelerate. She must have caused this, she decided. He must be thinking of her! What if she offered herself to him that night? She imagined the look on his face from her touch, his hands groping her body excitedly. She was halfway home. Her new home! They would live happily ever after. Her future had never appeared brighter! 

**End of Chapter Two **(Chapter Three coming soon!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Sarek's memory of his body and its needs seemed to spring back to him from his adolescent years. He relaxed and sought a comfortable rhythm as he imagined thrusting into the cooler body beneath him. He yanked down at the crotch of his pants and reached to fondle his testicles, and groaned softly. His body was so in need, the temptation to touch too much.

His testicles felt heavy and soft in his hand, but he could feel them tightening and lifting already. He imagined the hand was the moist orifice he desired, the body beneath him moaning and writhing as he thrust himself into it. He ran his thumb over the head and then along each of the double ridges, then finally between. His back arched and his legs jerked as he cut off another cry just as the sound reached his throat.

He pumped harder, desperate now for release, desperate for that feeling he had desired for so long. He felt his balls tighten, began to shiver as a long, slow groan emerged from him unnoticed in his building excitement. He gasped, cried out and felt his penis pulse. Opened his eyes to see his semen spurt out onto the snow, melting it in steaming streaks, watched the steam erupt as he panted and awaited his breath to return.

Jane had watched in fascination and excitment. And now that the show was over, a teaser to future encounters she presumed, she let her eyes inspect the beautiful organ still in his hands. It was still mostly erect, but had reduced in stiffness and size somewhat. His balls had relaxed and lay upon his zipper. They still appeared quite swollen.

She had read on the com boards that Vulcans could have sex many, many times in a row. Perhaps he might continue but for the cold; he was just getting some minimal relief. She had to think that he should be the last person who couldn't find someone to give him relief. He deserved someone who would give him all the relief he might need. She smiled at that. Perhaps he might be interested in an all-nighter. She could sneak into his room after everyone was asleep, peel off her robe showing off her naked body and watch the lust take hold of his expression as she offered herself.

She had seen anatomy pictures of male Vulcans. They were only cadavers however with limp penises. She stared at the double ridges, her first sight of them live. She had read that they flared at climax to seal the cavity and keep the semen where it would more likely impregnate the female. But to see them flare prior to his orgasm was wonderful. They should put a holovid of it on the ComBoards for educational experience. She shouldn't have to pay someone to hack into the UFP medical school for the dead and the limp, and usually old and not so fresh.

This had been the most informative, interesting and inspiring walk she had ever taken. Her biggest obstacle was Uncle Jim. The Vulcans were on her side already. McCoy seemed happy on the sidelines. If she could get James to back off of Sarek, she'd be home-free. She decided that now she had just the necessary information and evidence. She adjusted her clothing a little and slipped quietly back down the rock. There was enough rustling from the bit of breeze, cartwheeling leaves and falling patches of snow from the branches due to the warming that she slipped away unnoticed.

-ooOoo-

Thirty minutes had passed and Kirk had created quite a pile of kindling and was starting to get nervous. Jane could be gone much longer, but a Vulcan would turn into a Popsicle before too much more time passed. Unless they had both found the springs, but he hadn't mentioned them to Sarek as yet, and he purposely avoided telling Jane so that she wouldn't harass them to take her to what could be a very relaxing and beautiful adventure for the four of them, without the rambunctious teenager in tow.

McCoy sauntered up, having returned from his and Spock's circle of the lake. He looked like he was ready for some trouble, so Kirk hid the scotch and continued chopping.

"I'm sure the neighbors in the next county would like some firewood, too." The doctor said with too much cheer.

"Uh huh," Kirk mumbled.

"You're taking all of this a might bit seriously, Jim. You want to tell me what's really going on?" McCoy looked as if he knew. If so, Kirk wished McCoy would let him in on it!

"Just chopping."

"And chopping, and chopping…" McCoy chuckled. "Maybe we should've had some logs for you to take out your frustrations on the Enterprise. Oh, that's right! You had all those pretty women visiting."

Kirk stopped. "Just what are you getting at."

McCoy shook his head at that. "She'll be gone tomorrow morning. You and Sarek will have several days after. And the weather looks to be great for most of our holiday!"

"That seems presumptuous." Kirk was gruff with irritation. He ignored what sounded like innuendo, likely unintended.

"About Jane, Sarek or the weather?"

"All roads seem to be souring," Kirk said and threw the ax at the woodpile that now covered much of the concrete. It only bounced back and hit his foot. He kicked it, hard.

McCoy raised his eyebrows. "You're acting like your niece."

Kirk sat down on the porch steps which he realized needed salting; they were getting slippery with ice.

McCoy sat down next to him, looking confused. "Jane seems to be having a positive effect on Sarek. Her exuberance and vitality seem to be the spark he needed. He's sort of been reintroduced into life by the gregariousness and shock value of a teenager."

Kirk considered this. Could it really be so innocent? Was the uncle really such an ogre to be trying to judge what might be a simple friendship of very different beings offering a new perspective to both. He had always thought that Sarek would be a good influence on Jane. Had even considered suggesting that she stay on Vulcan with him for awhile to give her a less superficial perspective, reevaluate her priorities and offer her a dose of reality.

He smiled at the reality of Sarek's and most Vulcan's intense and rigorous lives hitting her like a giant, unnoticed rogue wave. See her tumbling then running home, or becoming the adult he could be proud of if she stuck it out with her intelligence and perseverance her family had yet to fully mine in her.

"Have I really been such an ass?" Kirk asked.

McCoy smiled. "I don't think Sarek noticed. But I think he too was hoping to get to know you better."

Kirk stared off into the distance and saw Jane heading his way. "See ya inside," McCoy said and stepped up into the cabin. Kirk could see the smoke billowing out of their chimney; Spock must be stoking it into an inferno after his long walk in the cold. He smiled as he realized how much firewood they'd have now. Always a silver lining appeared somewhere it seemed.

He looked back toward Jane and frowned. Something was certainly up. He tensed, ready for… he had no idea what. She looked to be practically swaggering, with an expression of a cat that had found the cream, the whole stock of it. Her coat was pulled tight about her, strange since she should have warmed from her walk to still be that cold.

"Hey, Unc," she shouted, her tone quite disrespectful.

"Hey," he replied, ignoring her disrespect rather than start another argument.

"I think we need to talk," she said quietly. He knew that tone; he had heard it from his own father too many times. Even Sarek used it, but to egg on others into distracting anger. In a word-patronizing. He paused before he swatted down her impetuous arrogance, too curious where it was leading. Her eyes were bright and she looked at him as if _he_ were the spoiled brat, not she.

Kirk couldn't resist a quirk of his eyebrow and held fast to his temper.

"You need to give Sarek some space," she said quietly, as if talking to someone irrational who needed to be reasoned with, an irony in itself.

Kirk's eyebrows shot up at that as he began truly to appreciate the necessity of corporal punishment. "Excuse me?" He had underestimated immensely his niece's grand view of herself. But where her sudden ultra-confidence came from made him nervous. What could have happened to change her circumstances on one short hike?

He felt the old anger and paranoia rearing and batted them down to listen. She had only sat with the ambassador for three short hours. Granted, she had been unusually articulate and sophisticated as if thoroughly practiced at it in front of a mirror (very likely) and had over the years studied just what she needed to make the right impression on exactly him. But still, three hours and one short hike…

"I didn't realize I was crowding him." Kirk wiped the smug smile off his face as he saw Jane's eyes tighten in anger. "And I've never known Sarek not to speak for himself. He's actually quite good at it." The smug smile again.

He saw the anger flash in her eyes again. "I'm 17, not 5, Uncle. I would appreciate some respect!"

"Then treat others with it, Jane," he calmed his anger. "Proceed." He was starting to feel Vulcan with his constant controlling and reining in of what he really wanted to say and do with the little trollop! He felt immediate guilt at that characterization. Why was he being so harsh? She was only 17, though acting far younger. Perhaps he had inflated expectations because she was a Kirk. Even Sarek would understand that after his expectations of Spock while raising him.

"Amanda was only 18 when Sarek met her," Jane said.

Kirk smiled at is niece. Was she trying to compare herself to Amanda? He knew Amanda had multiple ivy-league degrees and was accomplished in a prestigious career already by 18-a prodigy. He would have hazarded her maturity at mid-thirties then, at least, not to mention she was quite sophisticated, comfortable with herself and very cosmopolitan even at that young age. It had not exactly been the Cinderella story the media had painted.

And for what Sarek had in experience professionally by then was averaged out by his inexperience personally. He had been a babe-in-the-woods in many ways from what Amanda had let them in on secretly, still considered a child by most Vulcans at the human equivalent of 22, far from the mature, eminent and experienced middle-aged man he was now. They had taught each other much through the years.

"Chronological age can mean little in regard to some people," he finally said. He subdued his smile as he realized how apropos that had been for both Amanda and his niece, but in exactly the opposite regard.

She smiled, completely misconstruing what Kirk had said, which didn't surprise him. She would hear and see only what fit her view and desires. "He was concerned you would be angry, or hurt. He wants to spend more time with me."

_Less with me_, Kirk filled in. He felt the equivalent of a punch to the gut. "I'm sorry?" His anger was past simmering. How dare she! Could Sarek really have said that? He couldn't imagine why, by any stretch of the imagination, he would want to spend more time with Jane instead of him. Sarek was far from superficial. But he was now unbonded, and frustrated, and Jane had been flouncing about him flirting so obviously. It felt like a sick joke.

"I told him you'd understand. I mean, look at you and look at me!" She giggled at the same time she let go of her coat, which fell away, almost off her shoulders. Her sweater was mis-buttoned, her breasts almost spilling out, the top button on her pants was missing completely as if yanked off and the flaps hung loose almost to her crotch.

He stared at her clothing, aghast. She seemed to look at him, confused, then looked down at her clothes. She blushed furiously and tried to reorder her clothes as she turned away. She seemed scared now. "We didn't do anything, not really! But he's been so…and I want to marry him. I couldn't just push him away." She put her hand to her mouth and ran for the cabin.

Kirk stood rocked by the possibility. His mind swirled with images from the dream transposed with Sarek's constant erections, when he saw the ambassador coming toward the cabin from the same direction that Jane had come. He looked more relaxed than he had since he arrived. Even with the wind blowing Sarek's coat away and against his sweater, flattening it against him, there was no sign of his erection anymore.

Kirk walked up to the top of the stairs, his vision blurring in disillusion and fury. Jane couldn't have been that good of an actress, could she? She couldn't have known Sarek was out there unless they saw each other. He couldn't believe she'd go so far to deceive him. Alternatives fired at him, but he knew what he had to do. This was personal; he would make that very clear in his remedy. Jane didn't need further humiliation through the courts and media. And Sarek was in too vulnerable a position not to allow Kirk whatever he wished of him in reprisal.

His eyes blazed, but Sarek seemed only to notice each step he took in the snow, not meeting Kirk's eyes-further evidence he had used his niece in a vile way. He would make it right in his own way-old-fashioned but very effective. He was so ready for Step 1. He stood at the top of the stairs, fists clenched, vibrating with adrenaline. Sarek looked up at him finally with an odd, almost blank, expression as he crossed the patio almost sluggishly, then started up the steps as if on auto-pilot. Kirk stood ready and stepped forward just as Sarek reached the top.

Sarek glanced up just as Kirk swung, catching the Vulcan by surprise as intended. His right hook caught Sarek in the jaw. Sarek bounced off the handrail then fell backwards. His feet slipped from under him on the icy steps. He grappled with the handrail and had just got his feet beneath him as Kirk caught him with a left in the eye and Sarek flew off the stairs and tumbled into the firewood with a dull 'thunk' as his head hit.

Sarek appeared dazed as he struggled to right himself. Kirk approached his prey, thrilled with his luck and timing. Surprise, then a lack of balance had been against the Vulcan. Now he appeared too dazed by the bad landing to know up from down. Kirk waited as he decided on his coup-de-grace, eyeing different angles and aspects of the downed, struggling Vulcan. And he had it as Sarek spread his legs to push himself up.

Kirk slammed what he decided was a well-deserved and direct kick to the Vulcan's groin. Sarek collapsed on his side with a groan, curling around what must have been excruciating pain. What sounded like a herd came piling down the steps. He heard Jane and McCoy screaming as he lined up another kick for the stomach. His arms were pinioned and he was roughly dragged away by Spock and McCoy as Jane ran to Sarek and tried to comfort him.

"What the hell have you done?" McCoy screamed in his ear.

"Why don't you ask Sarek?" Kirk screamed back, realizing he sounded almost hysterical. Spock and McCoy both stared at him as if Janice Lester was back in his body. Why the hell couldn't he keep a lid on his emotions!

All three looked back at Sarek when Jane started screaming. "You've killed him! Oh, my God! He didn't do anything! I just wanted Uncle Jim away from him. I made it all up!" She started howling in misery as Kirk realized what he and Jane had done to Sarek.

Kirk held his head in his hands and felt faint with misery and grief. He couldn't be dead! Then he remembered how Sarek seemed slow to react, likely from the cold, and never defended himself. He remembered Sarek hitting his head in the wood pile. Oh God!

He ran to him but Jane attacked him with fury and fists. "I hate you! I hate you!"

He shoved her at Spock who held her as he ran to McCoy, fear and misery plain on his face. Sarek lay flat on the snowy concrete pale and now unmoving. McCoy was shaking his head after only a quick check.

"No!" Kirk screamed. His world felt as if it had collapsed. Surely, it was just another nightmare! Sarek was Vulcan, and in good health as far as he knew, just a little weak and tired…

"Doctor?" Spock said loudly, obviously anxious now.

"He's alive, Spock, but he's got some serious injuries." McCoy didn't direct this, or even look, at Kirk, who was only intent on breathing again and understanding what had happened.

Kirk felt his knees weaken and drop him in relief. Why had he been such an utter fool?

After being brought his medikit and giving a few shots, McCoy continued, "I've got him stabilized. Let's get him inside where it's warm. He's already in shock." Spock carried him into the living room where they laid him on the couch. After what seemed a multitude of scans and shots, McCoy leaned back on his haunches and shook his head again.

"_You_ deserve exactly what Sarek got," McCoy said, anger shaking his voice.

Kirk nodded, still looking miserable. "Will he be okay?"

"He was lucky, to say the least. The cold seemed to slow his system down, as well as pull his testicles out of the most danger from that kick. I seem to have been able to counteract much of the damage before it actualized. You could have ended his chances at further progeny."

Kirk felt nauseous at the thought of living with that.

McCoy continued, "His concussion is rather mild, thankfully. That alone could have killed him had he landed on the concrete instead of the pile of wood. So your chopping did have a point. Perhaps God intervened."

Kirk swallowed at the bizarre turn of a pile of wood perhaps saving a life. A huge silver lining he could have never predicted.

"His face is another matter," McCoy smiled. "He won't be so pretty for awhile-slight fracture to the jaw, fracture to the cheekbone. I'd be more worried about your face though when he wakes up."

Kirk smiled at McCoy's warming up to him, though he didn't deserve it. "He didn't defend himself…" He was still so confused-Sarek was still in his prime though somewhat prematurely gray, and had been in good condition from what he'd seen, at least when last on Vulcan.

"I think he'd been out in the cold too long, perhaps he stopped and sat down, which would have made matters worse. I glanced out at him from the window as he approached. He seemed a little confused as to where he was headed, and none-too-steady on his feet. If he'd gotten too cold, his reflexes would have been shot. He would be weak, almost in a fog. I doubt he would have understood what was happening when you…attacked him."

"I attacked a half-conscious man." He shook his head at his stupidity. "He won't even want to talk to me. He'll probably want to leave immediately." Kirk sounded beaten. 

"Not with a concussion. In fact, I want him watched through the night. When he awakens I want him to stay awake to make sure his concussion isn't serious." McCoy smiled. "That can be your job."

Kirk nodded.

"He'll be plenty sore all over for a few days. I'd prescribe the springs and lots of walking, for which he'll need someone as escort at all times. Perhaps some massage. Plenty of time to make things right between you, if you can."

Kirk nodded again. Between him and his teenage niece, he had been the one to destroy what could have been a beautiful holiday, and a friendship he had hoped for. She had certainly acted badly and gotten her due by the trauma. She'd crumpled then and he realized how little confidence she really had. Hours later, she could still be heard crying in the bathroom she had locked herself into. He felt pity and love for her; he'd spend far more time with now.

He didn't know what would come of his own foolishness. He wasn't some teenager, but an adult that had almost cost a good man far too much. Why he went off half-cocked?

Kirk decided by firelight as he watched Sarek lay unconscious that he didn't appear any less attractive. This surprised him; he had always been somewhat superficial and Sarek's face was quite a sight. On the left side, his lip had split (though it had been re-knitted) and the swelling spread over most of his jaw and cheek. On the right side, Sarek's eye was blackened and most of the cheek and eye were swollen. He never stared into anyone's face so long as they slept, or rather lay unconscious, he realized guiltily. But he had to watch him, and perhaps McCoy thought it good penance to stare at the face he had bashed for no good reason, just stupidity.

Kirk opened the salves McCoy had left him and began to smooth the first over Sarek's facial bruises, cautious over the just knitted jaw and cheekbone. McCoy and Spock had stripped Sarek once again to check and address his injuries earlier. They had wrapped him in a robe before laying a blanket over him. Kirk eyed both with apprehension. McCoy had said to smooth the salve regularly onto _all_ of the bruises.

To do so in the middle of the living room seemed far from what he or Sarek would be comfortable with, especially with Jane still in the house, but he likely had some pretty nasty bruises underneath, and if Kirk could help with any of Sarek's pain, he should and would, no matter how uncomfortable it made him.

He pulled the robe away and the blanket down to his waist. Felt guilty and far more uncomfortable than he should have. It seemed so intimate for such a dignified and reserved man, especially since before he came to the cabin, Kirk had never seen anything uncovered on the ambassador but his head, neck and hands. Kirk found his eyes drawn to Sarek's broad chest. The light trail of dark hair leading to his belly button. Then beneath the robe and blanket. Kirk found his eyes following to what lay hidden further and swallowed at the implication of such.

He was drawn to the ambassador, which was understandable; he was an enigmatic, brilliant man he'd had so little chance to get to know. He was father to his closest friend-another enigma in his own right. Kirk blushed; he was becoming a damn Vulcanphile! He was being a fool, caught up in the hype and mystique of what was truly unavailable in the way his mind tried to sway him. Acting as bad as a collector, who wanted one of every type out just for the experience and to boast. A Vulcan male was on every collector's wish list. Sarek lay completely vulnerable and he was uncovering and staring at him unabashedly.

He stopped his self-deprecation and focused back on his goal. A streak of mottled grayish green crossed Sarek's right nipple and traced down diagonally across his side, disappearing underneath. Kirk winced as he remembered Sarek bouncing off the handrail from Kirk's first blow. He began to spread the salve on, spreading on the darkest patches first, then the lighter as McCoy had described. He noticed the dark gray lighten immediately and the dark green going paler as the salve began to go to work. He had spread down as far as the arm and lifted Sarek's arm and laid it across his chest. He continued until he had to lift Sarek's shoulder, slightly rotate his body, to spread it on underneath.

As he laid Sarek back down he noticed that he had studiously avoided the bruised nipple altogether, everything around it had lightened. He shook his head at himself. Was it so important to deny any possible attraction that avoided anything that might seem sexual? He strengthened his resolve and began to softly paint the nipple area. As soon as he did, Sarek moaned as if in response. Kirk jerked away, froze, blushed and swallowed. It had been a coincidence.

He remembered the second blow and cringed at the memory. Sarek fell off the stairs, bounced on his buttocks, rolled and slid on his left arm and thigh then slammed into the woodpile. Kirk swallowed. The left arm was an easy fix, but for the rest, he would have to remove the rest of the robe and blanket, and turn him over. He didn't even want to imagine the bruising from his kick to the groin.

McCoy had directed him so matter-of-factly, as if Kirk would have no issue with spreading salve all over every part of another man's body, especially one he held in so high esteem. Perhaps it was the doctor's desensitization that caused him not to think that Kirk might have a problem with it. Or perhaps it was more punishment, as in watching for Sarek to come to and staring at his damaged face was simply not enough. Though it wasn't, he realized.

But would he have had the same problem with Spock? Also, a very private and dignified Vulcan. He had done all manner of embarrassing first aid on his first officer. Perhaps it was Sarek's almost regal bearing, or perhaps that Kirk himself had caused the injuries, but he felt he would rather run around the lake in the nude than cover all of the bruised parts of Sarek with salve.

What bothered him more was that part of him wanted to rationalize doing it just out of curiosity and titillation. He remembered the curiosity certainly when he had similar things to do to Spock, at least in the beginning, but it felt different somehow, and there had been no titillation with Spock.

After finishing the arm, he eyed the rest of the robe and blanket and felt like such a fool. But something had changed since he last looked. He frowned as he noticed the slight lift of the robe and blanket-another erection. He groaned softly and realized he deserved this extra bonus, and tried to see the humorous side of it. He was thankful that Jane was not given this duty, then a chuckle erupted-very thankful! He peered around the house, which was unusually quiet and pulled the rest of the blanket away, then loosened and pulled the robe from Sarek and tried to ignore the partial erection and wondered how often McCoy had had to deal with such from the many male patients he had treated.

He was determined not to touch the penis, though he couldn't help but stare at it. He had never even seen Spock's but for glances, and the differences made him curious. Though this was not a full erection, the size was impressive. The double ridges added some elegance to the design and reminded him of spoilers on a race car. The color of course was a light bronze with a tint of green which he assumed must darken as it reaches its full width and length. Instead of an oval to round cross-section of a human, it was more oblong, almost a rounded rectangle, giving it an even closer resemblance to a sports car. It was actually quite elegant and attractive and seemed to fit the Vulcan it was attached to.

Awakening from his distraction by another man's penis, he quickly checked all about the areas he could see, besides the groin and was moving back to sit down when his forearm brushed the penis. Kirk jumped from it at the same time Sarek mumbled something that sounded like Ja-. He froze, considering the dark possibilities all over again.

He couldn't stop himself. What if something had really happened between Sarek and Jane. If it were true and Jane saw Kirk go ballistic, she might have lied to protect Sarek from further attack, and to protect his position and reputation, and leave more possibility that they could be together again. It made sense.

He realized this was a dangerous line of thought with Sarek still out cold next to him. His eyes grazed over the nude, injured body beneath him. The utter vulnerability of the ambassador should Kirk learn that not only had he used his niece, but that he had almost gotten away with it as Kirk had been beating himself up and trying to make Sarek feel better. He realized both Sarek and he would be safer if he were to get either McCoy or Spock this minute, before Sarek might mumble anything else that could damn him.

He could have misheard. He couldn't help but wonder if he brushed Sarek's penis again, would he get a similar, if not, predictable response as the name of one's lover. But just because Sarek might say her name, didn't mean they had any sexual contact. It would surely lend evidence he could question Sarek directly on. If Sarek was just interested in Jane, it would at least raise a warning to keep them apart. It would also give him insight into the elder Vulcan; that he might not be someone he would want to associate with, if he could want such a childish and irresponsible 17-year-old at his age.

Kirk felt a lump in his throat at the possibility. For only a difference of one year, there was a world of difference between him and Amanda then, and his possible pursuit of Jane now. She was still such a child in every way but the physical.

He stared at the still half-erect penis, arguments each way battling within him. He was Jane's uncle; he should be made aware of something with the possibility of upending her life. Her parents should know. However, Sarek might be completely innocent and Kirk would live with the doubt, possibly end up alienating him from what might be several important connections at the worst time for the ambassador.

He had to know. He eyed Sarek's penis, feeling incredibly guilty, wishing he hadn't brushed up against it in the first place, but maybe it was fate, maybe there was some point to all of this? But what if Sarek woke up? He closed his eyes as his heart hammered. He was going to do it. He had to do it to settle this. This seemed the linchpin to so much.

He reached past the penis, exactly as he had before. Better to make it look like an accident, in case someone saw, or Sarek woke up. He pulled his arm, his heart thudding in fear of being caught. Of hearing Jane's name. Or hearing nothing more and always wondering. His arm made a light contact with the penis, and Sarek moaned again but said nothing. Kirk cursed under his breath. He reached again.

He let his arm graze the penis for a longer moment, but Sarek only turned his head. Kirk reached his hand close while watching Sarek's face to make sure he wouldn't suddenly be watching back. God, he couldn't imagine what he would say, if he suddenly awakened at this very inopportune moment. Then he suddenly realized what a fool he had been as he noticed the trace of grey on the underside of the penis and realized he had the perfect reason to be touching Sarek so intimately, whether he woke up or someone walked in.

He reached for the salve, relieved to have the excuse, yet tense at the contact he would need to make. At least there were dual purposes to it so he wouldn't wonder if he was exploiting Sarek merely to cop a feel. He moved closer. To spread Sarek's legs so that he could better see the bruising and do it right he pulled a footstool to balance one leg upon and against the back of the couch. Spread the other off the couch to the floor.

Sarek's erection had actually grown so that it almost stood straight up. This would be a very bad time for Jane to walk out, he couldn't help but think, and couldn't keep from smiling. As quickly, he thought of his second objective and felt the churning in his stomach. What if he called out Jane's name as he was laid out for Kirk so? Could he loose it again, even though Sarek may have only had sexual thoughts about Jane and committed no acts?

He pushed the confusion from his head; he might have very limited time and his inner turmoil was only growing. He had to know. Had every reason to do it. He scooped some salve and focused on the darkest bruises on the testicles as his heart pounded. Sarek jerked at the touch and Kirk softened his touch to strokes a lover might give. He had caused this, and it was likely undeserved brutality. The least Kirk could do was try to decrease his pain.

He stroked all over the testicles for good measure and covered the inner thighs. He noticed the testicles tightening and lifting and tried to ignore Sarek's obvious excitement building, it couldn't be helped really, any male would react this way to his testicles being basically fondled. He lastly eyed the now fully erect penis with a mixture of feelings. Started to warm the salve as he focused his thoughts on the dark splotch of where his knee had contacted the penis itself.

He felt torn between guilt if Sarek had been wholly innocent and almost delight if he had taken advantage of Jane, and seemingly every measure in between. He needed to know, desperately now. The ambiguity of how to view Sarek was already confounding him, his mind flip-flopping in his view of him as innocent or threat. It would drive him to distraction, and later perhaps worse. Better to know and deal with it. He would go further than necessary and if he had to explain later he'd figure a way out.

It was as if they were another's hands as they reached for Sarek's penis. He couldn't believe he was doing this and as he rested his hands on the backside of the organ he felt as if an electric shock jolted through him as he felt it jerk in response. He laid his hand still for a moment and resolved to coat the area liberally where it needed it first while he watched Sarek's face. The idea of his eyes trained on him, catching Kirk fondling his penis almost made him stop.

His first thought was that if felt like satin wrapped about steel. Sarek moaned again and gave the slightest thrust, almost a jerk along his hand. Kirk wrapped his salved thumb around the front and Sarek thrust fully now and gasped. Kirk jumped and turned back toward the face, but the eyes were still closed. On the next stroke, Sarek mumbled again, but unintelligibly. Then he groaned and mumbled "James" clearly.

Kirk rocketed to his feet, almost forgetting to let go of Sarek, his eyes wide, his face hot, his heart thudding. He stumbled as he stared at Sarek's face, assuming he'd been caught. But Sarek's eyes were closed.

"Sir?" Kirk said as normally as he could, quietly, to determine if he had awakened to see Kirk masturbating him. But Sarek just moaned and pressed his penis into the air as if in protest of the mysterious hand leaving, then quieted, as if it had only been a dream.

Kirk felt his world flip. Sarek had called out _his_ name, likely twice. Sarek had had erections since he came to visit, not since Jane's arrival. Kirk sat back down, without thinking, between Sarek's spread legs. Next to his full erection-felt quite stupid, shocked, and even guiltier. Could Sarek really be attracted, hell…lusting, after him? So many things fell into place then. Why Sarek came to the cabin, yet reticent about being there. Jane's jealousy. The connection McCoy kept referring to.

Sarek shivered and Kirk realized he'd left him uncovered, which would be quite cold for a Vulcan. He hurriedly retied his robe over his erection and pulled the blanket over him and tucked it about his neck. And realized something he often took for granted, but for the timing. He had a raging hard-on himself! He remembered his masturbation material in the shower, finally connected them and felt blindsided. Could he really want Sarek for more than a lay? Rather, quite a few?

Appreciating another man's attractiveness and sexiness was one thing, but wanting an affair, was quite another! He _had_ wanted to get to know him. Fill a void for him. Felt more concern for Sarek and his well-being than he likely should have. Resented Sarek's attentions to his niece. God, he had been acting like a jealous fool! That had been the intense anger he hadn't been able to control. He stared at the fire, stunned.

God, there was likely no possible positive outcome to this ridiculous situation. They could both want a relationship and there were so many reasons they couldn't or shouldn't. Sarek had a reputation to protect among the Federation and Vulcan, as did Kirk. And Sarek was a conservative man, to put it mildly. The father of his closest friend. He couldn't lose Spock again. Nor could Sarek. Why let his mind even go there?

Sarek had likely thought this through and tried his best to subdue his desires. He had been recovering from such losses, even to be able to meditate. If he had not been grieving, Kirk would not likely have found out the Vulcan's feelings at all. Once Sarek recovered, he would likely hide his interest for the rest of his days. Kirk felt saddened by the circumstances. But as a ship captain, he had suffered many disappointments and had to turn from many things he wanted. He imagined Sarek fighting his way through the layers of consciousness as he shifted and fidgeted. He wondered what the Vulcan's consciousness would bring.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"James?" Sarek mumbled again, but the tone of a question alerted Kirk. He turned to see Sarek staring at him. "Are you well?" the Vulcan asked.

Kirk felt shock that Sarek should be concerned about him. He also felt a lump in his throat at how compassionate that was after what he'd done. Sarek must have seen the bewilderment and then fortitude reflected on his face.

"How could you even care, sir?" Kirk asked. "Do you remember anything?"

Sarek looked thoughtful. "I was coming toward the cabin. I was exhausted and my vision clouded. Each step took much effort. I was dizzy."

Kirk looked away, embarrassed at how in distress Sarek must have been even before…

"Then you were there, and…you hit me…" Sarek looked very confused at that and as if he had just realized what had happened.

"I'm sorry, very sorry, sir. I'm embarrassed even to tell you how that came to be."

"I should leave," Sarek said, seeming disconcerted, almost embarrassed.

"You're angry, I don't blame you," Kirk said, feeling horrified again, as if it had just happened.

Sarek stared. "I am not angry, but I do not seem to be 'fitting in'. Do not feel badly. You have Spock, McCoy and Jane here."

Kirk couldn't help but snort. "Jane will be leaving at first light. She created this… I figured something would happen, but…"

Sarek looked adrift. "I had thought this was between us. Perhaps for all you have lost."

Kirk's eyebrows rose. "God no! I don't blame you, sir. I have no problem whatsoever with you. You should have a problem with me, and Jane."

Sarek tried to sit up and grimaced.

"Let me help you, sir. I still need to apply salve to much of your…backside." Kirk flushed.

Sarek's eyes glittered with amusement. "Indeed. Whatever you have done, James, it certainly was…effective. I remember three Klingons that left me better off."

Kirk swallowed. Sarek wasn't angry yet, but perhaps he would be. "You only remember me hitting you atop the steps?"

Sarek looked chagrinned. "Actually I remember you hit me again after that."

"Ever the gentleman," Kirk said, and felt nervous at Sarek's reaction to the rest and stalled by clearing his throat. "I also kicked you, when you were down."

Sarek nodded and looked amused. "Isn't that considered bad form, James?"

Kirk decided to have it all out. "Not as bad form as where I kicked you…sir."

"I think I've deduced that."

Kirk winced as Sarek seemed to be having trouble sitting comfortably.

Kirk decided to end some of the pain before Sarek understood all that had happened and forbade even his proximity. "I could salve what I hadn't gotten to yet." It was little consolation, and Kirk felt quite stupid offering.

"I doubt the salve could reach this ache," Sarek said, and still looked to be trying to lighten the mood.

Kirk smiled and brightened. "McCoy said I could give you something for that as soon as you regained consciousness." He stood up and grabbed the hypo off the table.

Sarek frowned at it. "I can simply use a healing trance."

"Actually, you can't, Sir."

Sarek looked up at that.

"You have a concussion," Kirk explained, then sobered as he readied for Sarek's response to more bad news. "You need to stay up all night, sir. Precautions for the concussion."

"It is late, is it not? Should not you try to rest?"

"No," Kirk said with a half-smile. "I will be making sure you don't fall asleep." He checked the hypo settings and pressed it against Sarek's shoulder after a quick nod of consent from the Vulcan. His eyes closed momentarily and his eyes looked a bit less focused after.

"I think then that I shall have a similar job as you," Sarek said, his eyes twinkling. "And you are sure, after all of this trouble, you would not rather have an embassy driver retrieve me?"

"You have been the victim, sir. A guest I have been looking forward to." He was concerned that Sarek might withdraw at that last since, even for a Vulcan, he was a very private man who rarely said more than necessary, and revealed even less if he could, which he had the uncanny ability to do quite often.

Sarek looked surprised at that. "Well, one can at least say that it hasn't been uninteresting, but we shall have many hours to fill, and I am not your customary type of…overnight guest. I am at a loss to recommend any activities to keep us…awake."

Sarek didn't meet his eyes, which was odd. Kirk would have liked to read what might be there; that sounded close to innuendo. The idea that Sarek might be sexually attracted to him was so intriguing that it was hard to concentrate on anything else. Hard, in fact, not to bring it up pointblank and clear the air, except that he would have to explain why he suspected. Sarek might only reject what he would likely consider a brief, superficial affair.

And Kirk hardly knew the man well enough to determine what he might want of Sarek if that door was opened, other than sex, that is. Then there was the fact that he had just doped him up with a substance that could have lowered his inhibitions…

Kirk decided to take another chance with sincerity. "What I would enjoy most would be getting to know you better, sir." He offered his killer sexy smile. Two could play with innuendo.

"By means of conversation, I presume." Sarek's tone was just a little off from what Kirk had ever heard before.

Kirk's eyebrows rose at that and he couldn't resist the temptation to trap Sarek at his own game. He gave his best innocent look. "How else?"

Sarek looked surprised, and then discomforted that Kirk actually pursued what was prudent to leave unsaid. "That would be agreeable, depending on the subject, of course."

Kirk smiled at Sarek. "I hadn't meant that last as rhetorical, sir."

Sarek blinked at that, and a cool glint hardened in his eyes. Kirk didn't think the ambassador would back down from a challenge. He seemed to know that Kirk was up to something. _Chicken_ was what Kirk would call it, and decided that they would likely both be good at it due to their professions.

It would certainly spice up the evening. Sarek's pride, arrogance, dominating nature and, most of all, his curiosity might be exploited to get them both where they might like to be, leading Kirk to knowing Sarek better than he could have any other way.

He could see Sarek resign himself to Kirk's wily and perseverant quest. The Vulcan looked at Kirk in a new light now. "You humans also interpret knowing in another, more intimate, way. Forgive my forward supposition, but your language is often…ambiguous."

_And you love playing with those ambiguities._ "Carnal knowledge, yes. To know biblically." Kirk smiled. "I have always been rather open-minded, explored frequently, if that was your implication. I haven't changed…if that should be of interest." Kirk let his eyes trace Sarek's form briefly then met the Vulcan's eyes without wavering.

Kirk got the impression that Sarek didn't expect something so direct. He looked a little miffed that Kirk didn't, as expected, clarify that he'd meant conversation instead of corporal exploration, though it had still been teasing and a bit of sparring on Sarek's part.

Sarek blinked at his quandary, then redirected. "I have yet to hear an explanation of why you committed violence upon me." His tone was soft, curious, and unaccusatory.

Kirk couldn't help but blush; the explanation would be quite embarrassing.

Sarek backed off. "We can postpone the explanation if…"

"No!" Kirk was vehement. "It's just embarrassing."

"Perhaps we might trade discomforts, then. I sense that you have questions of me?"

Kirk smiled at Sarek's generosity, trading information he had every right to keep private for information he should rightly, hotly have demanded immediately of Kirk. He had to wonder at Sarek's unusual mellow cooperativeness. It was as if he wanted Kirk to know him better, to let Kirk in on his secret perhaps? Or was the unusual, almost dreamlike, surroundings and lateness of the hour, the quiet privacy around them that left it feeling less of a risk, as if they might just awaken.

Perhaps it was the drug… He would think that McCoy would have warned him about such, but then McCoy had always felt that Vulcan privacy and reticence caused too much left unsaid when so much could be dissolved by free-flowing discussion. That doctor could be quite sneaky with his potions. Kirk couldn't begin to determine why Sarek was being so cooperative, and decided it might be best not to question the gift.

"I have many questions," Kirk admitted, "but I don't want you to feel you must answer any of them." A little of his niece's preemptive soft peddling might help loosen Sarek's tongue even more, and providing an out for Sarek to appease Kirk's conscience. He couldn't help but feel he was actually gaining by an assault, which was absurd and only made him feel worse.

Sarek watched Kirk for a moment. "It is hard to judge each until asked, but you have more right than most to request answers of me." He took a deep breath and looked Kirk straight in the eye. "I did request that you meld with me not long ago, which is far more intimate an act than I had a right to ask of you."

More intimate than sex for a Vulcan, Kirk had heard. So in essence, he had already been intimate with this Vulcan, as far as Sarek was concerned. But that had been for a very good reason. He wondered if Sarek was able to glean much more from him than he from Sarek who was trained in the mental arts. Realized he might never know the depth of Sarek's knowledge of him gleaned from the meld. This might be the perfect opportunity to ask.

Kirk felt a little adrift in his strategy, but pushed forward with the confidence that it would come to him. At least Sarek was talking instead of beating the crap out of him in return. "I sensed that you held back considerably. I remember feeling a gentle and subtly-directed search with concern for me ever-present." He had always wanted to show him appreciation for that effort and compassion. "Did you pick up as much from me as I did from you?"

Sarek looked saddened. Kirk couldn't fathom why. He looked hard yet thoughtfully at Kirk. "Since you are human, I felt secure not shielding from you. There would be little specifically you could glean from me and I believed it only fair that you should also be allowed some understanding of me. I avoided as much as I was able. It is hard for me to compare since I know little of what you acquired of me."

Sarek seemed to take a deep breath again, as if he needed to steel himself. "Did my son…Sybok…did he force a meld on you?"

"No," Kirk said simply, glad to provide Sarek at least that solace. It led conveniently into his next question. "I couldn't help but wonder about that first marriage. I had never known you were married before."

Sarek looked away suddenly. "Many did not. I was relatively unknown to outworlders then, but for physicists. My father was ambassador, but protected his children's privacy as best he could. A simpler task on Vulcan than on most other planets. I have not talked of it to anyone but Amanda, and then rarely."

"I understand," Kirk said, feeling disappointment swell. For some reason, he had the feeling it might lead to knowing Sarek better, to seeing a different side of him.

"Perhaps you are one that might benefit from such information, however."

Kirk couldn't figure that comment, but felt excited that he might hear about something that seemed sealed and hidden away, outside of Vulcan, at least.

"I was quite young and inexperienced, and likely…spoiled…by the freedoms and opportunities afforded by my parents." Sarek swallowed and looked somewhat embarrassed. "T'Rhel was quite beautiful, and more important to me-brilliant and a powerful telepath like Sybok, but she also wielded much power in a significantly influential clan."

Kirk couldn't help but wonder where this was leading.

"I felt honored to be aligned with her, and awed by her. She was older, almost as old as my parents in fact, and far more experienced than me, and being female of such rank in a matriarchy, had significant power over me…in every way."

While intriguing, Kirk couldn't imagine that for the logical Vulcans, any of this would have made any difference.

"Our marriage would keep the two controlling clans aligned rather than at odds, a common practice to keep cooperation and peace assured on our planet." Sarek took another breath and swallowed.

Kirk was fascinated; he had never seen Sarek struggle so.

"But her enmity for my clan my father had hoped to dissipate through familiarity and common goals was merely refocused upon me instead."

Kirk frowned. "But what could she do to you?"

Sarek's eyebrows rose at that. "I was hers as far as the law was concerned. Her property. As she was mine. But as a recent addition to an unfamiliar clan and therefore with no alliances and little power afforded me but what she might grant, I had few rights and no privileges."

Kirk's mouth dropped open. "But surely the law protected you, at least as a citizen of Vulcan if nothing more."

Sarek shook his head slightly. "Few would risk siding against her and I was kept within their compound; no one could know if anything untoward should happen."

"But your work, your schooling…surely you could confide in others?"

"T'Rhel ended both immediately upon our marriage. My _purpose_ was to provide seed for an heir of the two families combined, so to protect Vulcan as a whole. Surely a worthy and legitimate reason for curtailing my outside activities as well as limiting risks to my continued existence." His tone reverberated with resentment though his face did not betray it.

"And your parents allowed this?"

"Up until that time, her behavior had been quite normal. There had been no reason to believe harm might befall me. She rationalized it as a tool to curtail my youthful spirit and arrogance, to enforce my humility and obedience to Vulcan. She argued that it would better me, as a Vulcan."

"What happened?" Kirk felt vehemence at some of the injustices he had seen allowed on Vulcan already. For such a peace-abiding planet, it was far from peaceful, cooperative or gentle. At times, the constrained passions felt more like a planet continually on the brink of war. Spock's gentle nature and reticence for violence had given Kirk quite a skewed impression. Vulcans were like tigers under trainers, with the ease and ability to kill at any moment and every moment choosing not to. It seemed a razor-edged existence.

Sarek paused so long Kirk wondered if he would continue. "I do not know if I should continue this…" But he seemed to push forward. "I was told that I should consider it a privilege to be allowed to leave her bed chamber." Sarek's voice tightened in anger. That for my purpose of impregnating her, I should consider myself a…piece of admired sculpture, allowed to remain covered by her whim."

He paused and then his voice smoothed back into the calm, melodic usual, but he no longer met Kirk's eye. "She dressed me in finery and paraded me in front of potential business partners, seeming to imply that I was another asset to bargain over in her trade negotiations with other planets." My physical attributes seemed their only interest; I was never related to as if anything else would have been relevant."

Kirk's jaw dropped. "You don't mean…favors?" Somehow, Kirk doubted Sarek would reveal whether or not he was ever forced to follow through on the offer.

"I was fully dependent upon her choices and decisions as to my disposition. After she became pregnant and Sybok survived the first precarious years, she had even less need of me and little to lose, if not much to gain, should harm befall me. Any property of mine would become hers and she would be free to bond with another. I think she enjoyed keeping me as more a servant, almost a pet, knowing how much I…preferred… my freedom."

Kirk was aghast. "How long did the marriage last?"

"Nine years. Until her sudden death freed me." Sarek seemed to have difficulty meeting Kirk's eyes still. "Perhaps it makes more sense that I spent so much time on Earth after, and why I married a Terran. I am not so simplistic that I judge all Vulcan females by T'Rhel, but there would always be a chance of another _difficult_ marriage. Though it may appear otherwise, the female has far more power than the male on Vulcan, especially in a bonded pair. And though, in public, it may appear quite the opposite between Amanda and myself, we were fairly equal otherwise."

Sarek took a deep breath. "It should also explain why I would prefer not to remarry. Another Vulcan would be chosen for me by T'Pau. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if T'Rhel had not died so soon and another marriage forced upon me."

Sarek looked saddened. "It might also explain my overprotectiveness and control in raising Spock. I was not allowed to know my first son, until far too late. When I pressured T'Rhel to allow me involvement in raising Sybok, she made it clear that I would not survive my efforts to see him. I realized she considered my death a mere inconvenience and had no qualms at following through with her threat when I had need of her again. It is a Vulcan wife's right not to _service_ a husband in need."

Sarek's past had certainly explained a lot. A feeling of such powerlessness would certainly push him to an opposite extreme. It's a wonder he kept fairly even-keeled and compassionate on his rebound from such imprisonment and degradation. Kirk was now quite sympathetic toward this Vulcan and wondered how the father's relationship with his son would change if Spock knew. He had little doubt that Sarek had never told either of his son's the full story of his previous marriage. It would likely warm Spock's view of him, allow for a fuller understanding of, and sympathy for, him as well as give them more in common.

Sarek's voice had softened and he seemed lost back in that time of compliance and humility. "I think perhaps it is your turn."

Kirk was so shaken he had to remember what he had promised, and then blushed. "I hope that my explanation doesn't end our time spent together."

Sarek cocked his head at that. "Where exactly would I go, James?" The question seemed to imply more than his concussion, the frigid weather and the late hour, but the true meaning felt too tender and vulnerable to pursue as Sarek away.

Kirk shook his head and refocused. "I meant that I'm grateful for the time spent with you." His face heated at the admission. He noticed Sarek looked surprised at that. "I want this to continue."

"There is little you could say that could curtail our sharing. It would be a long night otherwise, I should think."

Kirk was confused still by Sarek's so-cooperative attitude. "You're generally reserved and private, sir."

"Everyone needs confidants. I have shared much with Amanda and few others that is true. But I feel an…alliance…with you, especially after the meld. I think I may have judged you harshly prior to that. Not that I did not respect your skills and accomplishments, but I had thought you superficial and egocentric."

Kirk thought that ironic since he thought of himself as rather superficial and egocentric. "I hope you don't discover that I truly am."

Sarek shook his head. "There was such an undercurrent of sincerity and compassion in your mind. It surprised me with its depth. I think a veneer of bravado has helped you become a successful ship's captain as my veneer of nonemotion helped me as a diplomat."

Kirk felt as if he had the wind knocked out of him. "Thank you, sir." He still had to wonder how much of Sarek's seeming allegiance was due to the reputed Vulcan loyalty instead of reality, but he'd take it just the same. A supporter in Sarek would be a bulwark of immense proportions, and a step toward friendship.

"I only state facts, James. No gratitude is necessary. But we were discussing what happened earlier…"

Kirk cleared his throat and hoped the next few minutes wouldn't destroy their budding relationship, along with, possibly, his career. Sarek had just placed much trust in him with what he had revealed. Making a man feel the fool would be bad enough, but to make a powerful Vulcan feel the fool, just what might that bring? "I think both my niece and I were jealous of your time, sir."

Sarek blinked at that. "That still does not explain what occurred."

"My niece decided to cut me out of the triangle, as she saw it, by leading me to believe you wanted to spend more time with her."

"But I did," Sarek said, "just as I wanted to spend more time with you. Surely there would have been enough time for both." It did sound that simple and adult. Unfortunately, neither Jane nor he rose to the occasion. At least Jane could claim the defense of youth and immaturity for her bad behavior.

Kirk smiled at that. "I'm sending her home in the morning."

"That is your decision, and I cannot begin to understand the reason or dynamics as I know little of what occurred then, or before, to judge such." Sarek looked more confused than ever. "I am surely missing something important."

"She imagined herself your next wife, but for my meddling."

Astonishment and bewilderment were so clear on Sarek's face before he realized it that Kirk almost laughed. "I don't understand." He was shaking his head now, so uncharacteristic that Kirk couldn't help but stare. "We are barely acquaintances. She is a child." Sarek's voice still revealed his utter confusion at these strange humans.

Kirk felt relief wash over him. Sarek's utter lack of understanding allowing a clear emotional response did more to help his confidence and belief in Sarek than anything. His instincts had always been dead-on. Why hadn't he listened to them?

"What could she have done to incite you so?"

Here Kirk felt like a worm and was most concerned now with Sarek changing his opinion of him. "She is quite a good actress, knew certain things that I hadn't thought she should, and there were other factors, but she led me to believe that you…and she…"

Sarek still looked lost.

"…were intimate." Kirk closed his eyes at that, knowing how base and disloyal it sounded.

Kirk opened his eyes to see that Sarek had paled and was staring at the fire. Now he had done it, but he had had no choice but honesty for both their sakes. Both men of integrity, he could do no less.

Kirk continued, "It was foolish, and it made no sense that I even thought it possible for a moment, but…"

Sarek looked angry finally. "You mentioned other factors." His voice and eyes were cold. Kirk feared that he would no longer hear that warmth and see that humor again. He had hurt Sarek deeply by having no faith in his character.

"You were so much more…relaxed…when you came back." It was likely obvious to Sarek what he meant.

Sarek flushed then his lips tightened and his eyes closed. "And?" he demanded.

"I was quite jealous, and a jealous human's mind follows the oddest logic, almost an…insanity." He continued, hoping to dig his way out. Sarek had been married to a human. He had to have suffered the same at Amanda's hand at some point.

"It made no sense, and I had thought it didn't sound like something you would ever do, but I couldn't seem to think clearly. I think I felt all of this anger caused by jealousy and thought it a reaction to my anxiety of you and her…" He couldn't finish so he just shook his head. "My instincts have always been quite accurate, but I think I misinterpreted…"

Kirk tensed as Sarek turned and stared at him. His expression unreadable. "Amanda once slammed a heavy door in my face and, unintentionally, broke my nose because she had thought I had sexual relations with an old Harvard rival of hers. That was early in our marriage and I had thought we would divorce. Then, almost immediately, she begged me to forgive her. It was very confusing, but the rationale sounded just like yours."

"Ouch," Kirk said, imagining the pain of a broken nose, let alone by your own wife's hand.

"Your niece has an exuberance that reminds me of Amanda. But she was quite aggressive and I was not quite sure how to handle her due to her youth, insecurity and the trauma she had endured with her parents." Sarek looked up at Kirk suddenly. "Perhaps she was not entirely truthful in that either?"

Kirk shook his head and smiled at Sarek's view of her as so angelic and fragile.

Sarek continued, "I had thought only to provide a calm and supportive role model. It became complicated by her hand upon my thigh, and the images in her mind that I had difficulty blocking."

Kirk knew exactly what those images likely were; Sarek must have felt shock at such from a mere "child". "I hope that you'll still consider being a role model for her. I think that you would be very effective. She admires and respects you."

"Her actions have not dissuaded me. She seems to have a positive effect upon me also. I think less on what I have lost and more on what I might still experience in life." Sarek's jaw tightened and he turned away slightly. "Amanda and I lost a daughter when Spock was very young. I doubt he remembers her very clearly. It was then that we learned there would be no more children for us. Perhaps I see your niece as what my daughter might have been at her age."

Kirk was shocked at another family secret, and saddened again for Sarek. It made it all the more tragic that Spock was his only child, after the first was stolen and another lost. "I would think she could only benefit by your involvement."

"My son likely would disagree with you." Sarek's eyes alit with his dry humor again.

"I think Spock's duel heritage was quite difficult on the both of you, and he's still even now considered an adolescent by Vulcan standards, isn't he? Sometimes our view of our parents is quite twisted then."

"I thank you for your faith in me now," Sarek said. "I hope it is not misplaced. I feel so at a loss still. I do not know from one day to the next what to expect."

"I think your relationship with your son will only grow stronger."

Sarek's face tightened and his eyes glimmered as he quickly looked away. "Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Sarek. You've been through so much; it's only natural you'd be more focused on what you have left."

"He is all that I have left, yes."

"Not all," Kirk corrected. "I think that should you allow it, there are many more friends around you. Many think much of you and enjoy your company. They likely only need an invitation. You've got the _three_ of us, at least."

"That might not be for the best," Sarek shifted and grimaced.

Kirk had to wonder if he was shifting to hide his seemingly almost perpetual erection and felt irritated that Sarek might feel the need to separate himself from their threesome because of his possible desire for Kirk. It just seemed so resolute and unfair. He had to wonder if Sarek might reconsider if he realized Kirk had similar desires? After all, he had chosen to marry a human, which couldn't have been easy to justify or explain back home, and it had worked out well.

Sarek turned toward him rather suddenly. "There is something I don't understand."

Kirk looked up at that. "Yes?"

"Jealousy, as I understand it, has a component beyond the platonic, involving rivals for gain or some romantic underpinning."

Kirk froze. He swallowed as he realized that Sarek might have caught on already. It would be a relief to have the air cleared, but at the same time might bring the rejection and embarrassment Kirk expected and feared as if he were back in high school. He felt his cheeks heat at the thought of Sarek glibly tossing the possibility of a relationship between them aside, the sudden realization of how that would hurt. Or Sarek being angry at the timing and presumptuousness of it. Or his feeling manipulated when Kirk actually just realized his feelings, confused as they still were.

"It could be that I am misunderstanding all of this," Sarek said. "Vulcan males commonly feel possessive, but that is an instinct for survival. Should the mate be taken away, the male will surely die a long, agonizing death. They are also often dominant, instinctually, to keep control and therefore possession of their mate, again for reasons of survival. There may be something of human biology or psychology that I am unaware of." Sarek turned toward Kirk.

"Uh." Kirk felt so utterly inarticulate and foolish. "To be honest, sir, there are some realizations that I've had in the last hours that I don't fully comprehend, but I would have to agree with your assumption." That had sounded rather like awkward and cowardly double-talk, but Sarek seemed to have unraveled its meaning as he appeared almost surprised and stared silently as if at a loss for words.

"You believe I am…a rival?" There was the slightest trace of hurt in the tone and his expression appeared concerned and confused.

Kirk was tempted to agree just to avoid the more embarrassing and riskier option. He was curious as to why Sarek would choose that above a romantic interest. Likely he based it on Kirk's history of womanizing and there similar type of career. Or perhaps over Spock…

"No," Kirk said more quietly than he'd meant to. He looked up at Sarek.

First, Sarek seemed frozen, as if in shock, though Kirk knew that a Vulcan's thought processes were far faster than a human's, and would have realized what that left before Kirk could have looked up at him. Then, for the first time, Kirk saw Sarek flustered. He looked at Kirk then away, he started to say something then his mouth snapped shut. He looked tense and almost bewildered.

Kirk had heard many instances of Sarek getting propositioned by all sorts, even some of his own lovers had admitted to going after the Vulcan Ambassador. So it couldn't have been inexperience. Perhaps it was someone so close to him, and to his son, felt too awkward a position, that he wasn't sure how to deal with this particular set of bizarre circumstances.

Kirk decided to save him. "I should never have told you this. I've put you in too awkward a situation. I don't expect anything of it. I just hope we can put this behind us and act as if it had never been mentioned."

"But it has," Sarek said, looking even more troubled.

Kirk swallowed. "Yes. I'm sorry."

Sarek looked him in the eye and seemed to have come to some level of ease, though he didn't look any happier about it. "Perhaps it is the curiosity that is common toward such an insular and controlled species as mine. I have come across this quite often in my travels, this need to experience many…flavors." Sarek sounded quite accepting and tolerant of the foible, no accusation colored his tone.

Still, Kirk felt anger at what sounded like being characterized a collector. "It couldn't be that any of your admirers besides Amanda had any more substance than that." His sarcasm was heavy and his anger obvious before he realized to whom he was talking. "I'm sorry, Ambassador. I assumed insult where likely you meant none."

"I did not," Sarek said calmly. "But I apologize for not considering how my response might have sounded. My diplomatic skills seem to have evaporated with the cold."

"Or perhaps with my presence," Kirk said before he had thought through its effect. Had he pushed too far? He looked up at Sarek, who stared back a little coolly.

Kirk quickly revised his comment. "Perhaps each of us is affecting the other more than we realize."

Sarek watched him, unreadable. "Is it allowed that I take a walk?" He seemed tense again and Kirk thought it odd that he didn't even respond to that last.

"Outside?" Kirk felt surprise-it was dark and cold, and Sarek might have difficulty even navigating out of the house. Did he just want to get away from 'the annoying human'?

Sarek seemed almost embarrassed. "At times I tend to feel uncomfortable confined so."

Claustrophobia, Kirk realized, but knew he would embarrass Sarek if he mentioned such a neurosis that one would imagine a Vulcan able to control. But there were other things he hadn't been able to control either. "I feel the same way!" Kirk offered diplomatically. "I would have to escort you." He watched for Sarek's reaction.

"You cannot be less comfortable out in the cold than I, certainly." His warmth and humor were back. Sarek looked down at himself. "Perhaps clothing might make the journey more feasible."

Kirk smiled and retrieved Sarek's clothes. Together they pulled Sarek up onto his feet, his erection for once gone. Kirk had to imagine Sarek was working his controls overtime for the few moments, and that it was only a temporary solution. He seemed stable for only a moment however and started to lean toward the couch. Kirk grabbed Sarek from behind as he started to fold forward and both unceremoniously ended in a pile atop the couch, Kirk lay folded over the naked ambassador in a most erotic pose.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hope Springs: A Christmas Tale**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

Sarek made a suspicious choking sound that might have been a guffaw at the ridiculous situation and how it must look. Kirk couldn't help but chuckle even as he felt himself harden as his groin pressed into Sarek's buttocks and his arms wrapped about Sarek's warm chest and abdomen. With both grappling to right themselves, and throwing each other off-balance, it took considerable time to extricate themselves.

"I assume that was unintentional," Sarek said, his dry humor clear.

Kirk started to laugh again even as the heat of his blush spread.

With another shot, Sarek felt less stiff and somewhat more mobile. Together they dressed Sarek in likely too many layers and maneuvered him outside. No sooner than they reached just the wood deck, Sarek halted. "Perhaps that will be enough of a walk for my current condition."

They made it all of eight feet past the door. Kirk muffled a chuckle as he settled Sarek onto one of the loungers and turned on the fire pit, well stocked with oak. The flames erupted and roared to life. The warmth enveloped them almost immediately and he could swear that he heard Sarek sigh. He certainly looked more relaxed, at least. With the crackling deep gold-red of the fire, scent of burning oak and the swish of the pines and flutter of snow form the needles, it made for Kirk thought a very romantic atmosphere.

In this frame of mind, he couldn't help but notice how flattering the more-native-Vulcan colors of fire were on Sarek. He really was quite handsome. The flickering of light created an exotic portrait of planes and angles and seemed almost to mask his pallor, exhaustion and emotional turmoil. Kirk hoped that he might be able to erase some of that, perhaps for good.

Sarek looked up and caught Kirk staring. "Is there something more you wished to say?"

Kirk was glad his blush was hidden by the firelight. He decided to venture toward the heart of the matter. "You have decided not to remarry, bond again?"

From the suddenly tightened lips, Kirk thought he trespassed too far. "It would seem the safest route." Sarek appeared still to be running from his long ago imprisonment. Kirk didn't want to imagine what could have happened to have made such a strong man still so uncomfortable. He would rather not even speculate.

"Not safe by far, from what I understand. All Vulcan males bond, for good reason." Kirk hoped this avenue would be less of a dead-end than he expected. "Unless there are…alternatives…"

Sarek stared at him. "I am old enough to disallow a bonding."

"And young enough to continue by another path discovered," Kirk countered. "No Vulcan had bonded to a Terran until you. You didn't follow the usual path then. Perhaps there are alternatives again."

"Alternatives may exist," Sarek said, dully.

Kirk was surprised at the lack of certainty. Did Vulcans truly think only to bond or die? Surely, they were at least aware of a third possibility. Or was that knowledge kept hidden to keep Vulcans bonding? He wouldn't be surprised with Vulcan's low birth rate and consistent population decline. He had heard there were hundreds of cities abandoned, now buried in sand, even in the last century. The harsh planet seemed to be evicting its residents, measure by measure.

"Is same-sex bonding as frowned upon as staying unbonded?" Kirk asked.

Sarek's eyebrows shot up at that.

The fire shot a shower of sparks as if in shock at Kirk's boldness.

Kirk quickly added. "I only ask because the low birth rate and population decline on Vulcan would likely be the basis for the strong encouragement to bond, and betrothals at such a young age. It would logically follow that the same would apply to same-sex unions." Hiding behind the theoretical scientific curiosity was one way to get a Vulcan to talk of sexuality and tradition.

Sarek seemed almost to smile. "You have always been clever, James."

Kirk got the strong impression that Sarek was appreciative and complimentary toward the form rather than the substance. He had followed Kirk's circuitous, almost dishonest, method of ferreting out information to gain a clear picture. Sarek, oddly, seemed almost relieved at finding this quality in Kirk. That Sarek felt positively toward such manipulation and brazenness, was confusing, if not shocking.

"Your manipulations remind me strongly of my late wife…of Amanda."

Kirk was glad he clarified which at the end.

He had to wonder if Sarek wanted this dilemma unraveled by another so not to dishonor his Vulcan code with regard to privacy.

"I guess I'm assuming the same spectrum exists of heterosexual and homosexual response in Vulcans as humans," Kirk added.

"I assume any information I divulge will be kept in the strictest confidence should such not be meant for public consumption?" Sarek seemed almost grave, but it seemed more the topic than his concern about Kirk's unusual, likely disallowed quest.

Kirk nodded as he tried not to look too interested.

"Due to the existence of Vulcan's cyclical biological imperative and our centuries of war that often separated the males from the females," Sarek began in the same tone of lecture so often heard in his son, "…this same spectrum has been quite compressed mid-range, therefore allowing more…opportunities…to provide for the male drive. It would follow that those who were more open and amenable to… the possibilities…were more likely to survive, and those sired from those survivors, by females later, produced more…open and amenable…progeny with each generation."

Kirk's eyebrows rose at that. Did Sarek just say that Vulcans were more likely to be bisexual than humans? And the newest studies have shown that most humans were actually bisexual; that each possessed varying amounts of attraction to females and males. It would make sense that more Vulcans could survive _pon farr,_ to later allow progeny, if they could gain release with a male as well as a female.

Sarek and Kirk stared at each other, seeming at a standstill again. Kirk decided to push forward once more. "I am quite positive that there would be an inordinate number of potential surrogates available. You are brilliant, successful, compassionate, and…quite handsome."

Sarek looked irritated and rather defensive. "Much obligation would attach should I take advantage of any of those you refer to. Also, most non-Vulcans have little appreciation of the severity of the…need, even outside of the Time.

"Amanda seemed quite happy."

Sarek's face softened. "Amanda loved me. And I provided every compensation she would allow."

Kirk didn't doubt either. Sarek doted on her and she was so obviously devoted to him. "Perhaps you might find something close to that again, in time."

"James, why is it that you have not remarried. You are no longer on long-range missions."

"Other than not having to worry about a protracted and horribly painful death awaiting me, if I didn't?"

Sarek merely looked slightly annoyed, and awaited the answer patiently.

"I guess just the usual. I haven't met the right woman, or man." He had added that last as he realized the opportunity mid-stream. He had meant simply to state the old cliché, but realized he didn't really know that a man wouldn't fit the bill as well, and it likely would cause Sarek to think further on the possibility that Kirk might be open to more than an affair.

Sarek's eyebrow lifted at that and he looked thoughtful. "Perhaps I was wrong on another assumption."

Kirk decided further gains might be made. "As I said, I've been more open-minded than most. It seems that many beings are compatible with humans-male and female-in many ways. I think one can never know where something can lead without that first step. I can't believe that you and Amanda married without…first testing the waters."

Sarek offered a challenging look. "Are you implying that I should take a…sampling of various unfortunate beings' mating potentials?"

"It's called dating," Kirk said wryly.

"Amanda tried that same definition out on me. I had to wonder what might have come of it should it not work out after we had…sampled."

Kirk suppressed the laugh. "That's the drawback of it still."

Sarek shook his head again. "I think I shall never understand humans."

"Better to have tried and failed…" Kirk said.

"Not from the Vulcan point of view."

"You've at least a chance at success by trying; none otherwise."

Sarek looked thoughtful. "That is logical, but first steps can be daunting. I would not even know where to begin. And how would I know that another being had no intentions other than…"

"Getting in your pants?" Kirk asked.

Sarek actually grimaced.

"Sorry."

Sarek's momentary irritation faded to a look of confusion.

Kirk decided the little-boy-lost look on Sarek was adorable and quite sexy. It must be something rarely seen. There was also no time like the present. "I think I can take care of both issues."

Sarek looked to Kirk, his subdued expression looked half-hopeful and half-doubtful.

Kirk stood and stepped over to Sarek, who looked a little nervous at the nearness. "Sit up and scoot forward about a foot." If nothing else, Sarek would be clear on Kirk's feelings soon enough. Kirk slipped in right behind, and grabbed Sarek as he tried to move further away. "Sit like you would ride a horse with Amanda behind you."

"There would be no separation," Sarek said. His whole body had tensed at the thought.

"Can you keep from reading me?" Kirk asked.

"Yes, but…"

"Then there's no problem," Kirk said.

"Personal space would be violated for us both," Sarek said, his voice tight. "I am not comfortable…"

"Trust me, you'll get comfortable." Kirk stared hard at Sarek, awaiting another protest.

He could see only doubt in Sarek's eyes now but he allowed himself to settle back against Kirk, tight as a drum.

Kirk almost sighed at that, but surprised how good it felt to have Sarek lean back against him.

"I do not understand the purpose," Sarek said coolly.

"There are several, all likely beneficial. Just relax against me. Imagine I'm Amanda if you have to."

"It is hard to imagine such with a body so very different from hers." Sarek's muscles still felt taut with the unfamiliar touching and pressure. His body thrummed with anxiety and discomfort.

Kirk sighed now, but in irritation instead. He might as well be hugging a board. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"My only implication was that it was merely _different_."

Kirk smiled at the attempt to soothe his feelings, then had an idea. He slid his hands to Sarek's shoulders and started to knead the tightness out of them. At first Sarek jumped, and then settled into the fingers. His tenseness eased a little, but he didn't feel relaxed. Kirk decided to cheat, besides, McCoy had allowed many more shots of the muscle relaxant and pain suppressant. He reached down, retrieved the hypo and applied a quick double dose before Sarek could protest.

Sarek jerked again but said nothing. With the sudden absorption of the drug, his body melted into Kirk like a heavy quilt and Kirk felt himself harden at the warmer body limp against every part of him. In quick order, he finished the shoulders and pulled Sarek back so his head lay back on his own shoulder. He noticed Sarek's eyes were half open, awake but quite doped up. He seemed to be feeling no pain for the moment.

He slipped his legs around the Vulcan, leaned him forward and massaged his back thoroughly from top to bottom, then slipped his arms under Sarek's and began massaging his chest, then abdomen as Sarek regained lucidity little by little.

He pulled him close against himself and allowed his erection to fill out against the pressure of Sarek's lower back. He laid his cheek against Sarek's and felt the heat of his deep, even breaths.

Sarek shifted slightly and his eyes looked clearer. "James?"

"Right here. Feeling better?"

"Yes, your massage has helped, along with whatever medication McCoy has concocted."

"Is this position uncomfortable?" Kirk asked, partially regretting that he gave Sarek an out when Kirk wanted this closeness, and more.

"It is not uncomfortable, yet this closeness is not what I am used to…"

"Do you want me to stop?" Kirk asked.

"I feel I should ask you to, but find I wish otherwise."

"Stop thinking so much, and just relax. A Vulcan's stubbornness and reticence are his worst enemies."

"Is that a quote?" Sarek asked.

"Could be. It's a common-enough theory."

"Is that so?" Sarek's voice still sounded a bit dopey, but his teasing was clear.

"Put both on hold and it would do wonders for your species," Kirk said in the same teasing tone.

"I can only promise to do so myself, at least for the night…morning," Sarek said. The correction though quick showed Sarek's time sense was a little bedeviled. It was far past midnight and Sarek should have realized it without a second thought.

Kirk smiled. "That might be long enough to help a great deal."

"Indeed?" Sarek asked.

"Indeed," Kirk replied, as he slipped his hand through an open slot in Sarek's jacket to the layers beneath just above his pants.

Sarek started as the hand had slipped under but did nothing more about it.

Kirk turned his face and breathed in a comfortable scent of cedar and nutmeg. Sarek closed his eyes, likely a little disconcerted. He shifted his head back and rubbed his cheek against Sarek's ear. His skin felt silky soft; not what he would've expected. He edged his hand so very slightly down to the edge of Sarek's pants, could feel them straining already with another erection.

It was like bridling a frightened foal, introducing a virgin to the many sensual and sexual pleasures-distraction was the key. Thank God, for two hands and words to confuse and confound, he would have this Vulcan, and he would prove he wanted more than a taste for his collection. He wanted to plant himself deep-physically, emotionally and symbolically.

He wanted to be the one Sarek thought of when he needed to talk, the one Sarek looked to when he felt so alone. He wanted to be there when this Vulcan's Time came and he was vulnerable, anxious and in need. He didn't want the stereotype or illusory Vulcan most imagined; he wanted the man himself just how he came, his foibles and weaknesses mixed with much that impressed. It was an epiphany, yet it felt so right. It opened a personal vista that excited him. It had been a long time since he had felt that way. A very long time.

He wanted Sarek laid out to be read in a mind-meld with nothing held back. Surprisingly, he wanted for Sarek to know him the same. He felt close, devoted, warm, tender, protective and _could this be love?_ What a terrifying thought it should be, Kirk thought, but he felt only calm, and a sense of a part of something so much more, as if his family and friends would connect like the ice crystals freezing over the wide expanse of the glittering lake.

But a Vulcan trusts actions above words. And Kirk needed to determine if this could be merely an infatuation no better than Jane's. He owed that to them both.

There were simpler things they could discover sooner. Both needed the closeness, the intimacy, if not the relief, to see past the obvious first. Kirk nuzzled an earlobe. Sarek's breathing accelerated. He swiped his tongue past for a whisper of moist contact. Sarek jerked at that, but allowed the tongue to dive in for a longer, softer soirée. The breathing accelerated even more. His hand slipped over the pants clasp and prepared to climb the mound.

"James."

"Yes?"

"Vulcans rarely pursue half-measures."

Kirk replied. "While I can't read the future, my…intentions are honorable and my mind open to the possibilities."

Sarek's hand stopped Kirk's as it began to edge closer. "I would presume that Vulcan males are beyond your experience?"

"They are not exactly promiscuous."

"You have experience with human males?"

Kirk smiled wistfully. "I experimented back at the Academy

"My experience with males is also limited," Sarek said. "…and what there was…occurred involuntarily."

Kirk couldn't help but shudder at the realization. _Rape._ He knew he shouldn't feel surprised. Sarek had been traveling most of his career and in the spotlight when not. A target. Everyone knew the fate of Vulcans intercepted in deep space or on missions far from a starship like the Enterprise, as an ambassador often was. Whether intercepted by pirates, ruffians causing trouble, Romulans, Orions, even rogue Klingons, rape was usually the outcome for the young, the attractive, or merely Vulcan.

That Sarek got into trouble then escaped and survived was a fortunate turn of events. Vulcans were often kept as bed-slaves and trophies. Some bodies had even been recovered after taxidermy, as nude statues. Kirk shivered at the thought; the obsession was endemic, often to perverted and sadistic ends. Then, there was also the previous marriage where he had been offered to visiting tradesmen and VIP's.

"I'm sorry."

"There is no reason to be. I thought it best to apprise you of such so you may better understand the…reorientation I must make with regard to close contact with a male."

Kirk's hand began its retreat. "Perhaps I'm moving too fast."

"Do not be concerned. I would resist whatever causes me too much discomfort. I hope that you would do the same. I am more concerned with your welfare. Vulcans are rather more…primal…in satisfying their needs."

But Kirk was focused back on sliding his hand down the tight abs to the pants fastening and then to the full erection beneath. As his fingers traced the bulge, he felt Sarek's head lay back in acquiescence. He lay his hand full on the erection and felt the slight intake of breath from Sarek.

He rubbed along the length of the crotch and noticed Sarek swallow heavily and his breathing accelerate. He slipped his experienced fingers to the clasp and released it, slipped his hand inside and fondled the full length of the penis inside.

Sarek groaned softly. "James, I so want to…" Sarek finished only with a shudder.

"I bet you do," Kirk replied with a smirk. It felt so naughty to be reaching inside a Vulcan's pants and fondling.

Sarek squirmed and grabbed the hand about him. "I am…very close. It might be better if we curtail this…"

"It might be best if we don't," Kirk said, stern. His hand still gripped Sarek's penis. Tightened each time the Vulcan attempted to dislodge it. "Besides, it's difficult to usurp one from a bunker." Kirk smiled at the Vulcan's conflicted consternation.

"It is quite cold uncovered, even with the fire," Sarek argued.

Kirk smiled, pushed Sarek up and maneuvered around him. Before Sarek could protest, Kirk's mouth fell upon the now unburied penis, thrusting and sucking with a vengeance.

Sarek moaned. Couldn't stop the maelstrom of lust and need that overwhelmed him. Kirk gripped Sarek's hips tightly so not to be dislodged before success. But he needn't have worried, it seemed. Sarek had been at the brink for too long attempting to keep his lust from overcoming him. Kirk's onslaught was too much and Sarek could only thrust, again and again, his climax imminent.

"James!" It had sounded almost like a warning, or perhaps an entreaty to continue. No clue followed to clarify so Kirk continued to felate the bulk of Sarek's penis, enjoying the view of the ambassador now writhing, mouth agape from the pleasure. The Vulcan's hands gripped the lounge chair arms.

"I'm about to…"

Kirk gripped tighter and continued his aggressive plunder, making it clear what he expected of Sarek, who ceased fighting his desires and bucked one final time, his hips arced in the air and head falling back as a long, low moan preceded his climax. Kirk allowed a contented smile as he swallowed the slightly sweet and spicy cum shooting into his mouth.

Sarek fought to regain his breath. "James…I do not…know what to say…"

Kirk put Sarek's pants back together and smiled.

"I would reciprocate, if you would allow me?"

Kirk grinned at the thought of this man on his knees pleasuring him. "I look forward to it, but for now we'd better see to breakfast, and the crowd that will be awakening soon." He couldn't imagine what their thoughts would be should they have stepped out only moments before.

Sarek looked surprised by the dawn already broken and a little disheartened Kirk was so very glad to see.

"Sarek, we have several days yet to continue…our endeavors."

"Sarek looked to Kirk's crotch. "But are you not still frustrated? I had not realized humans had such control."

Kirk blushed. "It was taken care of when I sat behind you." He had come while rubbing against Sarek's ass, too excited by the slow unveiling of the too-ready Vulcan and what was to come. And there was so much more yet.

Sarek looked confused, then enlightened. "Ah," he merely said, faintly blushing. "I will have to remedy my neglect later then…"

"You can count on it!" Kirk straightened Sarek's coat near his crotch, more for the touch than to add protection from the weather. He noticed Sarek had a curious expression and was watching the wandering hand. Kirk took advantage of the opportunity, leaning in and pressing his lips to Sarek's in a soft kiss to avoid causing pain. Though Sarek's face looked somewhat better, Kirk doubted any more would be wise. The full lips were pleasantly soft and yielding even as Kirk pulled away.

The slight expression on Sarek's face had been worth the touch of a kiss-bewildered, wonderstruck, perhaps a hint of regret at the exploration's end. The Vulcan's lips quirked almost into a smile. "I truly hope that you understand what you are wandering into, James."

"Surging, storming, or bursting into may more appropriately describe it. And I've only just begun."

The door slid open to their surprise. Both turned. McCoy stood scowling. "Just what have you been doing to my patient that I didn't authorize?"

Kirk bit his lip so not to laugh.

"It's ass-freezing cold," McCoy began.

"As well as other parts," Sarek interrupted.

McCoy eyebrows rose at what sounded like a joke between them.

Kirk bit his lip again.

"I would have to say, doctor, that I am thoroughly warmed," Sarek added in McCoy's unusual, though likely temporary, silence.

~ooOoo~

Kirk and Sarek made their way to separate hot showers and then each to a fresh change of clothes. Spock and Jane appeared soon after. Spock eyed both Kirk and his father curiously. Jane tried her best not to make eye contact with anyone.

Sarek watched Jane with a soft expression, then seemed to come to a decision. "Jane, can I speak with you a moment?"

"Yes, sir," she said meekly.

They stepped through the living room and out the doors to the still-roaring fire. Kirk watched curiously, as did McCoy, but McCoy soon transferred his curiosity to Kirk, "So it looks like you two are tight as a couple of puppies wrastlin'…"

Kirk couldn't help but wonder how much McCoy had seen. Part of him wanted to blurt out what transpired. Another felt like coveting the change in his relationship to Sarek greedily. It was far too early to know what might come of it, and how each of his friends might handle it. He didn't want to cause more friction and stress among them, especially between Spock and Sarek.

He also felt the need to earn the trust of the so-reserved and private Vulcan, and this would be the first step. Should their relationship flower as he predicted and hoped, he would have to learn such reserve in regard to Sarek's private affairs. He could no longer kiss and tell by any stretch of the imagination. Not that he ever had done much of that anyway.

Kirk offered a slight smile. "We're past what happened yesterday."

"Far past it from what I saw." McCoy had a suspicious glint in his eye and Spock had raised his eyebrow at that, looking far too curious.

Kirk peered out at Jane who was nodding and wiping her eyes, and Sarek talking softly and seeming to console her and let her upset vent through her long-winded adolescent explanations and apologies. Kirk's anger with her had dissolved. She truly seemed so young and vulnerable when she realized her weaknesses and insecurities. He was dying to know what was being said…

"Just what did the doctor see, Jim?" There was an edge to Spock's voice. Was it concern? Jealousy? Anger? He couldn't tell, but his chest tightened at Spock overreacting and Sarek suffering again during what was supposed to be a relaxing week, and it truly was all of his own doing. Sarek had yet to recover from even his journey to this vacation.

"That's what I'd like to know!" Kirk bluffed. Surely if McCoy knew anything, he'd be discreet, if only to protect Sarek.

"Just the vibes, I guess," McCoy said. "It almost seemed as if I was interrupting when I opened the door."

Kirk still wasn't sure what McCoy knew, and finding out would only make McCoy more curious.

The sliding door opened and Jane and Sarek reentered. Though her eyes were red, Jane was smiling. She stood on her toes and gave Sarek a loud kiss on the cheek and fairly bounced back to the table. Breakfast was a smorgasbord of luscious and varied leftovers from the earlier breakfasts and dinners picked straight from the boxes still fresh due to the stasis, though Sarek ate little and gingerly due to his injuries, he assured them that he was not terribly hungry due to the medication.

Jane was waved away into the bright and temperate morning after getting Sarek's promise that "he would talk to Uncle Jim" and receiving hugs from the humans and 'well-wishes' from the Vulcans on a safe journey and a "satisfactory" holiday season. Overhearing Sarek's promise made Kirk very curious and somewhat concerned. He only hoped it had been something prompted by Sarek.

McCoy spent the next hour thoroughly checking Sarek over and together, he and Kirk fully applied the salves and allowed Sarek to enter a short healing trance. Kirk was pleased when Spock requested a game of chess in the meantime, while McCoy puttered around the kitchen assembling a huge picnic lunch for their imminent visit to Hope Springs.

End of Chapter Five (Chapter Six coming soon!)


	6. Chapter 6

**Hope Springs: A Christmas Tale**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

They strode along the narrow, slippery path around the lake, one after another as ducklings would-Vulcan, Human, Vulcan, Human-the humans taking no chances that either Vulcan might suddenly succumb to the cold so near the beautiful but precarious lake. A light breeze swirled the drifts of shades of whites across the expanse of myriad pale blues. A fresh sprinkling of snow glittered silver-white like natural holiday decorations as it glinted from the constantly shifting angle of their sojourn along the circumference of the valley.

When they could see the cabin in the distance across the lake, they cut back into the trees on a slight upward angle. Kirk headed up the rear of their small entourage, off on the important mission of stewing in hot water amidst the towers of pine laced with brilliant blue-white winter sun, and a beguiling maze of oranges and reds further inside the caves of the springs as the sun's light fractured and dispersed.

Sarek traveled immediately in front of him, an unnecessary reminder as his thoughts were focused like a speeding train on his plans and desires regarding him. He wanted to touch the Vulcan. Couldn't help but feel the draw. It had built like an obsession since he first realized his anger had instead been jealousy, likely even before. More than a physical drive to take the man in his basest need, but to press further into the intimacy of his secrets, his soul, almost to own him, and in turn, be owned by him.

A strange but enticing and sensual draw that reached into his whole being. A wondrous lifting of his spirit but at the same time a focusing like laser light upon another being. He had never felt such an all-encompassing pull toward another. At times, if he thought upon it, it left him breathless and yearning. He wanted to call out his intent yet covet it in singular privacy, hidden safely away.

He understood now the Vulcan male possessiveness. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to feel this ingrained within and always kept at bay. He understood now why Vulcans were bonded telepathically-to receive constant connection and reassurance. He had to wonder if some link might be bringing some of this possessive need into him from Sarek. Had to smile at the thought; it would mean they were already closer, and would only grow more close.

Perhaps this was why Vulcans didn't pursue casual sex and romance. And why Sarek was so nervous of Kirk's intentions. Perhaps Sarek couldn't help but bond as a natural instinct. They might feel closer with each intimacy, and start to share more of each others feelings and needs.

Sarek turned when he could, his expression revealing little but a glint of warmth when his eyes met Kirk's. At times, Kirk would be able to approach close when the terrain became steep and climbing was necessary. He could slip a hand to help Sarek up, perhaps brush his thigh, lean against his buttocks, and in turn, Sarek would reach to pull him up, by hand then a slight catch of fingers behind his waist, a moment longer than necessary. The Vulcan's eyes became so expressive as his back turned from the others, then the warmth slipped away as the others could see. Kirk hoped that Sarek would someday not need to hide what he had shown freely with Amanda.

The exterior appeared as just a small pool with rugged form etched into the side of rock among a sparser scattering of trees. The sun shown freely through the trees with only a dappling of shade. The steam danced across the water in waves back and forth with the slightest breezes as if dancing across the sparkling surface, inviting them to join in.

Spock stepped close, tested the water with his fingertips and observed the various flora and evidence of fauna. McCoy shook his head at Spock, deposited the small anti-grav stasis cart sealing the food's wonderful scents from any local creatures that might consider raiding it, and began to strip.

Sarek stepped up and seemed to be admiring the spring. "So much water. After 60 years of visiting your planet, I never fail to discover new purposes and recreations you have made for it."

Kirk stepped up next to him and squelched his idea of recreation in the water he had in mind, at least for the moment.

Spock had already wandered off to investigate the many entrances and caves of the surrounding environs. McCoy had already submerged his tired body with a loud sigh and a cold mint julep prepped along with many more in stasis tubes.

Kirk couldn't help but notice Sarek's curiosity as he stared back into the cave and noticed it didn't seem to stop. "Let's check it out," Kirk said, as he began to strip. He was just as curious, but also excited to get Sarek alone. They stripped in the chill sunlight, Kirk trying not to stare at Sarek fully naked in broad daylight in case McCoy might notice the perusal.

But he noticed McCoy staring unabashedly at Sarek's body. "You've put on a few pounds even since you've been here, I think," McCoy said with a smile.

"Vulcans are supposed to be thinner than humans," Sarek commented, almost defensively.

McCoy snorted. "Not that thin. I think Spock might have a few pounds on you, and your taller and broader shouldered."

Kirk was tempted to add that Spock had gained a few too many pounds for the Vulcan norm, but refrained from a jab at an innocent bystander in this minor skirmish. He noticed that Sarek also didn't bring up Spock's extra weight, which he could likely estimate to the tenth of a pound. He did however enjoy the view now disguised as clinical appraisal. He had a beautiful body even though it did appear a little thin. All of the muscles still defined and tight.

He saw McCoy flick his attention toward him and perhaps he looked away a little too quickly. He didn't meet McCoy's eyes, so he couldn't tell if McCoy might have noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Kirk stepped in and started for the entrance to what looked like further pools with plenty of headroom so not to be claustrophobic for Sarek. He paused as he realized he was alone, and looked back. Sarek was staring at the pool momentarily, and Kirk remembered Vulcans weren't so comfortable in water, even though the alternative was the brisk air about him. Spock had been trained in it and had experienced many missions in water-filled environments, which were likely not a common choice for Sarek, and likely the Federation tended to avoid sending a Vulcan ambassador to such, unless they had to.

He seemed to get past his initial qualms and, shivering from the cold, stepped into the water. He made his way to Kirk the water almost to his chest, still looking too much like a cat having to traverse a shallow puddle, ready for a full-body shake at any second. As Sarek stepped through and out of sight of McCoy, Kirk caught his hand and pulled him further. The appearance of the farther pools even distracted them from each other for a moment. The 'ceiling' looked cathedral-like as it stretched to a point, laced with streaks of reflected light and shimmers off the water. The farther pools led off to the sides one after another, each seemed sewn together by the streams of light all angled from the entrance.

As they walked, the light dimmed ever so slightly, but their eyes adjusted to the lesser light.

"Don't get lost!" McCoy called out a little nervously, but with a chuckle.

But that looked impossible, as all of the light seemed only to come from one direction, and all of the caverns to the sides were dead ends, no matter how far they went, it seemed. In addition to the natural hot springs bubbling up from the earth, cold water streams cascaded through and mixed, providing almost any variation of temperature. When they had gone far enough that the entrance light was far in the distance, Kirk pulled Sarek into one of the side caverns that appeared to offer all levels of water and curved platforms just underneath, and a small waterfall to camouflage their own sounds, all hidden by a small entrance.

Kirk felt Sarek approach close, yet tepidly, as if Kirk might bolt. He looked almost unsure of himself. "James, if you feel differently, I will understand. I don't want you to feel any obligation to continue…"

Kirk grabbed Sarek and kissed him deeply. Sarek held him as tightly and allowed, in fact seemed to relish, the plunder by the human's tongue. Their hands pulled at each others bodies even as they fondled and rubbed.

"Why would you have thought that?" Kirk had to ask.

"I did not know if you were motivated by curiosity or guilt at our last 'meeting'; I would judge neither, of course. But you would not look at my body when I stood fully unclothed…"

"I was trying my utmost to be discreet, actually." Kirk smiled broadly. "I was curious, that is true, and still curious, but then so are you, right?"

Sarek nodded.

"I think you're handsome, hell gorgeous, and there are so many things I want to do with your body, but more importantly, with you." Kirk brushed two fingers down the side of Sarek's face as he had seen Vulcan bondmates do when they perhaps thought themselves unnoticed. Sarek's eyes closed and he swallowed hard; as strongly affected as Kirk hoped by the gesture of affection and closeness he decided it must be. Likely even more effective with the telepathic element. Kirk felt the tug of longing for what that must be like.

Kirk continued, "To be completely honest, I cannot yet judge exactly what I want, but I've had little time to realize I had any choice but to ignore my feelings for you. I know I don't want to part from you now, or in the near future, if ever, I don't know. My past habits and my present feelings seem so oddly in contrast. I have never felt this way before. I'm not sure I understand it. "

Sarek opened his eyes and they appeared to glisten. "I want to please you, to show you how I…feel. Let me do so now." His hand traced up Kirk's thigh.

Kirk pulled Sarek to the levels above the water and seated himself comfortably against an incline of stone polished smooth by ages of water. Sarek sat below him and lovingly caressed Kirk's penis. That this Vulcan was trying to satisfy him so, that he wanted to, meant so much. Sarek looked up at Kirk with the slightest of smiles, humor and warmth dancing in his eyes.

"I have never done this before, Sarek admitted softly. "I hope I am able to please you."

Kirk couldn't help looking pleased at being Sarek's first blow job. "I have a feeling you learn quickly at almost anything." He had been so focused on his anticipation that he had to divert some of his mindset to even say that much.

"Your example was most educational. I had not thought I would have this opportunity, though I have to admit the thought of doing such had come to mind a few times in the past…"

Kirk was intrigued. Just when would that have been? And how long ago? He would have to ferret out the details, if Sarek felt comfortable doing so.

Sarek lowered his head and kissed the already engorged penis, then slowly, teasingly began to lap and suck. Just the eroticism of the sight of Ambassador Sarek giving him head brought Kirk so close he had to momentarily close his eyes to calm down. Sarek seemed to be able to judge expertly by trial and error what brought Kirk pleasure and how close he was, and kept him on the edge seemingly endlessly, until he stopped. He had to wonder if Sarek was using feedback by telepathy that he would easily be able to read through touch, likely even with his shields up.

Kirk shook his muddled thoughts out of the ecstasy. "Jesus, that was incredible!"

"Would you like to finish inside of me?" Sarek asked from where he sat, with the slightest smile and a raised eyebrow.

Kirk couldn't help but lick his lips as desire roared at the possibility. But concern as quickly overtook it when he remembered that Sarek's only experience with males had been rape. "It's likely too soon for you."

"It is not, James."

"But after…"

"I would like to replace my last memories with more pleasant ones. Now, if you would allow me."

Kirk's heart sped up even as he frowned. "Damn, I left the lube." He hadn't truly thought they'd get this far this fast, and in such a public place. Sarek was as motivated as he was, a great relief to Kirk, and a damn fast learner.

"Unnecessary for a Vulcan," Sarek said. "Our physiology provides two solutions."

Kirk looked curious at that.

Sarek looked down at Kirk's erection. Kirk touched his erection and felt that it was still slick, and smiled. "How convenient! But you said 'two solutions'."

Sarek's eyes danced at that. "I will leave you to discover the second. I am less clear however on the methods for two males, but for some…past experience and the obvious from the study of the animal kingdom…" Sarek now looked a little embarrassed, which surprised Kirk.

Kirk attempted to temper his broad smile but failed miserably. "Due to the hard surfaces, our less-sophisticated brothers likely held the best answer."

He stepped down behind Sarek, who bent over and swayed his hip brushing Kirk's penis. Kirk had to wonder if Sarek had meant the teasing. He hoped so. "This may be a little quick, unless I can calm myself a little."

"Then," Sarek said, "…we may call it _an introductory lesson_."

Kirk grimaced, chuckled and wished he could see Sarek's face to determine if he had intended the bad pun. He was quickly refocused however on Sarek's ass, so invitingly awaiting his now-throbbing penis. He pulled the soft, perfectly shaped globes apart and teased the awaiting orifice with his finger. Sarek's sharp intake of breath and shiver gave him pause.

"We can stop, I won't mind…" Partially a lie, he realized, but he didn't want to spoil a possible long-term relationship with a momentary thoughtless regard at the very beginning.

"No, please, James, it is only the memories connected to my past experience there. I would that we replace those memories with your efforts. Please, continue…"

The reminder of rape calmed his interest for a moment. But his need for this man, his need to take him and make him his, trumped his concerns. He wanted more claim to this Vulcan. To have him so he might be his alone, against all others.

Kirk teased the orifice again and saw it tighten and then relax. He wished again for the lube. How could this not hurt Sarek? But he had said there was a second solution. He traced his finger close to the opening, then knelt down and teased with his tongue, rimming him wetly. The orifice relaxed slightly in response. He continued to rim Sarek and pressed into the opening. Kirk had never enjoyed rimming so. Sarek was obsessively clean and his skin smelled pleasantly, faintly of spice.

Sarek moaned and pressed back.

Kirk entered as far as his tongue would go and Sarek began to shudder.

"James, please." The tone was plaintive. Sarek obviously wanted, needed, more.

Kirk withdrew his tongue and pressed his finger inside.

Sarek thrust back onto the finger the full length and finally Kirk felt the second solution. Just inside, the surface was so very smooth and slippery but not wet, almost as if coated with silicone powder. He thrust his finger in fully as Sarek thrust back. He had heard that Vulcan sex was often somewhat rougher and more primal and that it would be hard for a human to be too rough with a Vulcan. He relished finding out, once Sarek fully trusted and allowed him, of course.

He didn't want his first taking to in any way remind Sarek of what he had experienced there before. But what his mind wanted and his body wanted were at war. He wanted a tender, gentle experience, to replace those horrible memories, yet his body wanted so to take this man with animalistic abandon, ramming and pounding into that beautiful ass, feeling the Vulcan's body shake with his thrusts, as he'd read most Vulcans would expect and enjoy.

He was desperate now for release. Aligned the head of his penis and spread the precum about the orifice. He could feel Sarek's breathing accelerate. He pressed in slowly and felt Sarek take what sounded like a calming breath.

"Okay?" Kirk asked, concerned.

Sarek only nodded. Kirk thought it interesting that the normally verbose and ultra-articulate Vulcan didn't respond verbally, but didn't ponder further on the matter since his entrance felt absolutely incredible. Sarek could nod all he wanted if he was bent over awaiting Kirk to fuck him.

He pressed the head in and felt Sarek's tenseness ease. He pushed slowly and fully in, relishing the slick, hot tight channel, and concentrating so not to come too quickly. He stood motionless and took several long breaths.

"James?" Sarek sounded confused.

"Just a little too excited," Kirk said.

"My availability for further…lessons…is not an issue," Sarek said very dryly.

Kirk laughed. "Availability of erections however are at issue. I don't know if I'll be able to…get it up quite as soon as I'd, we'd like."

"Really?" Sarek sounded surprised. "It would seem that Vulcans and Humans could trade their physiological difficulties in that respect, and both appreciate the exchange greatly."

Kirk laughed. So Vulcans got more erections than they knew what to do with. He had noticed Sarek fighting off his most of the time he'd been there; he seemed to get hard quite easily.

Though the talking had quelled his overexcitement, the direction of the conversation-imagining a panoply of horny Vulcans trying to distract themselves from their throbbing penises-was pepping him up again.

He pulled out and thrust fully into Sarek, without meaning to. His body won out over his mind that moment. "Did I hurt you?" He swallowed; cursed himself for his momentary lapse.

"I truly don't think such is possible for a human entering a Vulcan," Sarek said. "And pain actually helps my species reach climax."

Cheeky Vulcan, Kirk thought, and was tempted to find out, though reason and compassion reigned in that uncharitable thought soon enough. He would find out how hard Sarek could take it, but after they were more comfortable with each other.

After only a few more solid thrusts, each a little rougher than the last, he began to feel himself close to climax again, and reached down to pump Sarek, who responded with a long groan, in almost warp speed catching up. Kirk could hear Sarek's ragged breathing. Feel him trying both to pump into Kirk's hand as he thrust back into Kirk.

Sarek moaned. His excitement fueled Kirk's and they pounded together as Kirk grabbed and pulled at Sarek's thrusting body and fully rammed himself into the Vulcan as he came hard and felt the surroundings almost dip and wave as release turned his muscles to jelly. He felt the Vulcan jerk and shudder, then he moaned more loudly and came over Kirk's hand tight around his penis.

Sarek wobbled, and they both fell backwards into the water.

Kirk came up laughing. "I didn't consider that possibility."

Sarek seemed disgusted by all of the sudden wetness enveloping his body, and shook his upper body like a cat, and shuddered, looking quite displeased. "Perhaps we might try a more solid surface the next time," Sarek said dryly with a raised eyebrow.

Kirk couldn't help but stare at the salt and pepper waves that Sarek's hair fell into after getting soaked and shaken of water. It seemed only to grow wavier as he drew his hand through it self-consciously. Kirk had to wonder how few people had seen Sarek without his hair straightened and was surprised at the vanity of Sarek straightening it. He felt a wave of deep affection at discovering another rare foible. Decided the wilder hair only added to his attractiveness.

He stepped forward and kissed the Vulcan deeply. Sarek seemed almost relieved at Kirk's reaction, as if he would think less of Sarek because he looked different in such a small way from other Vulcans. He had to wonder at the conformist attitude that had helped to develop a need to hide wavy hair because it wasn't the norm. It gave him a window into both Sarek's and Spock's upbringing, the world they had to contend with, and another partial reason for their strife.

They were each completely engrossed in the other when they heard a slight splash too far from the waterfall but too close for comfort. They turned as they separated to see a wide-eyed McCoy staring at them.

"Uh…I was..getting worried." He cleared his throat looking everywhere but at them. "I stopped hearing the echo of voices so I came looking…" He turned and started away.

"Bones…"

McCoy stopped but didn't turn.

"It just happened. We didn't really have a chance to…" Kirk wasn't quite sure what to say.

"You don't need to explain, for God's sake!" McCoy said a little too loudly and roughly.

"You are angry," Sarek said quietly.

McCoy turned to stare at him, his eyebrows rose at that. He shook his head as he smiled. "I'm not angry, at either of you. I just feel foolish for interrupting, and for not seeing the extent of what was going on, at least before you two did."

Kirk and Sarek exchanged looks. That had sounded like an insult, but both let it pass.

McCoy fluttered his hand at them. "Carry on."

But both felt a little uncomfortable leaving it at that.

"No, we were on our way out anyway," Kirk said. "We were back here a little longer than expected."

"Imagine that," McCoy said, his humor back.

"Doctor?" Sarek started uncomfortably.

McCoy grinned. "Oh, so formal now! Don't worry, I will let you two break it to Spock when you feel the time is right."

"I appreciate your discretion, Leonard." Sarek said.

"You're a good man, Bones!" Kirk added.

McCoy snorted. "I don't even want to step into the middle of that quagmire!"

They each relaxed against the edges of the outer pool on natural ledge-like seats on the inside rim. Kirk felt Sarek's intense gaze and then saw McCoy notice, and the doctor's relaxed expression slid into a frown. Kirk thought that odd.

They heard Spock finally arrive back. "Father, I think I may have found something of scientific interest."

Sarek's eyes dragged from Kirk to the direction of his son's voice. "I will be right there." He exited, toweled off, quickly dressed, excused himself then strode gingerly out and down the path toward his son.

McCoy eyed Kirk with concern.

Kirk stared back curiously. "Something wrong, doctor?"

"You haven't… I mean you two aren't…"

"Yes, as if that is any of your business." Kirk was a little irritated now.

"Can I ask when you began your…intimacies? I'm asking, as a doctor."

Kirk frowned at that. Why would McCoy's medical expertise be needed, he wondered, and realized that he actually knew very little of Vulcan physiology. Perhaps he had missed something gravely important. "Just now." He looked into the caves, as in memory, but his mind was directed in anxiety toward McCoy's sudden concern.

McCoy frowned and shook his head. "Oh, boy."

Kirks shifted closer, already alarmed. Vulcans and their biological quirks could be quite intense. "Should I be aware of anything particularly urgent?"

Now McCoy smiled. "He who hath stared into Pandora's Box now asks if he should have."

"Explain," Kirk said, looking back to make sure they wouldn't be interrupted.

"You may have thought it a kindness toward Sarek, but you must know that, for a Vulcan, the urge will only get worse with a taste. Humans can get relief with one 'go'. Vulcans need quite a few, and they get quite…enthusiastic, to put it far too mildly, when they're in the driver's seat, if you know what I mean."

Kirk had known that Vulcans were quite dominant in relationships and in sex. He had actually been surprised when Sarek offered himself. His gaze _had_ been quite intense after they got back.

McCoy kept his voice low still. "His desire and curiosity likely got the better of him, but he's probably very concerned for your safety."

"So you're saying that he's likely worse off now than before?" Kirk swallowed at that.

"And from what I read, his control will be precarious should you continue." McCoy looked back over his shoulder for Spock and Sarek's return. "He may not trust himself."

Kirk's eyebrows shot up at that. "You mean not allowing himself to…be the 'active' partner? But I've heard that Vulcans are so dominant?"

"That could be his concern." McCoy unwrapped another stasis tube of Mint Julep, adding the third wrapper to the row behind him. Kirk couldn't help but consider starting in on whatever other alcohol the doctor had brought along. 

End of Chapter 6 (Chapter 7 coming soon!) 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Footsteps of the Vulcans could be heard as they came around and up to the outside pool. They both looked stone-faced and distant. Kirk started to have the bad feeling that something other than 'of scientific interest' was discussed. Spock had called Sarek away likely to confront him. Kirk had a feeling the subject might have either been his unbonded status, or suspicions about Kirk and Sarek's foray into the caves. He could've easily come back while they were inside, or worse heard something himself since McCoy had vaguely heard their voices.

But why wouldn't Spock have confronted him as well, or instead, since Sarek had likely been the more vulnerable. Perhaps it was Spock's habit of blaming his father, or his inability to blame Kirk for anything. Either way, if it were indeed true of course, he resented Spock's picking on Sarek who had been through so much. But he couldn't bring up any of the subjects without revealing too much. And he doubted either would reveal their disagreement to him.

Sarek stripped off his clothes and Kirk couldn't help but notice him shivering. He longed to embrace him and massage warmth back into his body, but they still had the worst hurdle to cross in their budding, and still uncharted, relationship. He could see Spock watching his father closely as he too stripped and entered the steaming pool. His expression though almost blank had a glint of coldness to it. Sarek didn't look toward Kirk at all, but also didn't meet Spock's eyes. The tension was clear to McCoy, who took matters into his own hands.

"Spock, you haven't even seen the most beautiful sight yet!" McCoy tilted his head toward the caves.

Spock looked intrigued, but swiftly glanced at Sarek then Kirk. Kirk gave his 'what-the-hell' smirk and jerked his head toward the caves. Spock's expression didn't change, which didn't bode well, but he followed McCoy into the caves, which were thankfully extensive, giving him time to talk to Sarek.

Sarek still didn't meet his eyes, so Kirk stepped over and cornered him by placing a hand on either side of him against the rock edge. The Vulcan's eyes held sadness. "I cannot hurt my son…again. Forgive me."

Kirk felt the pinched feeling in his eyes and throat. "You think he'd rather have your death?"

"He does not need to know. I have been selfish, perhaps."

Kirk was momentarily speechless. "I can't believe Spock would want this to end?"

"I cannot know for sure. He is rather forceful in his belief that I should return to Vulcan and follow tradition."

Kirk glared. "Just as he did." His sarcasm added an edge that was cutting. If he hadn't been so hurt and angry he would've laughed at the irony.

"I am sorry," Sarek said. "I have created this. I should never have…" His eyes closed.

Kirk felt even angrier. "You're both so alike sometimes. Stubborn, and when it really counts between you, neither can see your hand in front of your face."

Sarek didn't argue, but looked even sadder.

"Well, someone needs to break this dam," Kirk said.

Sarek looked concerned, but before he could ask, Kirk launched upon him, one hand grabbing his neck, pulling him into a passionate kiss, the other dove between his legs.

Sarek froze in shock, giving Kirk the upper hand. The Vulcan was completely aroused, writhing almost immediately. "No, James…we shouldn't." He uttered as he tried to pull himself free. He was afraid of hurting the human in his attempts to dislodge him, but at the same time he felt himself drawn to him physically even more than before, and worse, mentally. He couldn't risk a further link. It could too easily slip into a bond in his condition.

But he felt a great need rise up in him. His arms twisted and pinned the human with almost a growl. His penis was fully erect, the want so desperate. His hands shoved Kirk's legs apart. He pressed himself inside before he even realized it, was thrusting in a frenzy. "Mine," he seethed into the human's ear, as he pounded into the soft human. His fingers slipped up to Kirk's face, ready to fully bond them, only to pause as his intellect screamed that this was not to be done.

He groaned at the distraction of his instinct bridled by conscience. His body demanded a full connection: body and soul, forever. Thrusting-coming so close, so very close. The human no longer squirmed within his hold, allowing him what he must. His fingertips aligned along Kirk's face, feel his conscience slipping beneath the maelstrom of need. It would be done. Kirk would be his. He need not wait any longer his body decided, as his fingers found their mark and he was ready to climax, to connect them forever.

Suddenly, the human was gone from his grasp. His hands scrabbled at his throat; his body writhed against a strong hold. He fought but couldn't loosen the grip. The grip tightened. He felt himself sucking even the smallest of breaths. A challenge, his body determined. And he was losing. Would not have the human, or any sating, again. Would be left upon the red sands for predators to scavenge. His mind rebelled. He fought harder but his arms were losing strength. Losing their fight against the grip about his throat.

Sarek's response had been so intense, so primal, that Kirk had simply relaxed, realizing he hadn't appreciated Sarek's need and lack of control, but that he could ride it out until Sarek had control again. It was like some great 500-pound cat had jumped him in a frenzy. But just as he'd calmed himself and relaxed enough not to risk much injury, Sarek was gone. In shock, he opened his eyes and turned to find Sarek struggling against an arm around his throat from behind. Through the struggle water splashed about and he could hear McCoy yelling for Spock to stop-to let go.

He felt terror at seeing Sarek held up high, his hands frantically clawing at the arm about his throat. Sarek struggling for breath. Losing the battle as his face flushed green. Spock was killing his father. Kirk couldn't even comprehend why, or how to prevent it. Sarek began to slow his fight and slacken. Kirk heard himself yelling for Spock to stop, when suddenly he let go. Sarek dropped limply into the water.

Instinct controlled now. Kirk's heart pounded. He held his terror at bay; grabbed up the Vulcan underneath the surface; pulled him out. He yanked him around so that he might press up into his lungs to force out any water but Sarek was already coughing and sucking great lungfuls of air, thankfully. McCoy was upon him the next instant. Sarek was still limp but conscious. Kirk held him tight so he wouldn't slip back into the water. He released Sarek into McCoy's care, keeping one hand on him, just in case.

He glared at Spock, who looked pale and confused. "What the hell have you done!"

"He attacked you," Spock said harshly. "Any _other_ Vulcan would have killed him, but I could not, though I wanted to."

"He didn't," Kirk yelled.

Spock looked confused, then shocked. His controls also weak. "You let him…you would let him… He has no right to you!"

"I seduced him. He responded with less control than I imagined."

"He did not protect you from himself, as any Vulcan with any control would." Spock looked even angrier. "He is a Vulcan. You are a human. Should a hungry tiger happen upon you would you let it tear you apart?" Spock glared back at his father, who didn't meet his eyes. "You had less control than you implied. You are no better than an animal, Sarek."

"You don't understand," Kirk started.

Spock looked as frosty as he'd ever seen him, which was worse than his anger. "I think I understand far better than you do, Captain."

McCoy looked angry, disgusted, but didn't direct it at anyone but his instruments. "A little forethought and communication can go a long way."

The other three looked guilty at that.

Spock stared at Kirk. "I should have been more forthright, as it appears Sarek won't be, conveniently."

Sarek's head jerked around at this, but he still didn't meet Spock's eyes. "I did not intend what you…"

"Silence!" Spock yelled, again seeming close to losing control.

Kirk and McCoy looked shocked at Spock's disrespectful outburst toward his father, but Sarek only quieted and looked away.

"A true Vulcan in your condition, _even a half-Vulcan_, would have bonded, sequestered himself, or ended his life by now!"

"Spock!" Kirk yelled, furious. "Sarek's never been nearly the bastard you're being right now." That hadn't come out right. Kirk bit his lip, and sent a look of apology to Sarek. But Sarek wouldn't meet his eye, anyone's in fact. He looked bereft.

Spock looked down and seemed to be working at control still. "Jim, I don't think you do understand…" His voice was tight, and almost too quiet.

Sarek finally looked up, but into the distance. "Please Spock, let me tell…"

"You had your chance, Sarek," Spock turned his back on him, a sign of utter disrespect to another Vulcan, clear to all.

Kirk stepped up close to Spock, almost nose to nose. "I know you two don't always get along."

A snort erupted from McCoy at that. Everyone ignored him.

"Perhaps we were getting along too well for your comfort." Spock had always been somewhat jealous of Sarek's popularity and social abilities. And with Kirk being one of his few friends, he had a feeling Spock would feel defensive, but not to the point of trying to kill his own father.

Spock shook his head at that. "He had no control, Jim."

Kirk pressed his lips tight. Sometimes Spock could be a little naïve and conventional, perhaps still too young to understand the darker edges of sexual pleasure.

"He didn't hurt me." At least nothing besides some internal abrasions, but he wasn't about to tell the son that the father was somewhat rough in his excitement. He had already known that control would be an issue in that way, and he had pushed even when Sarek had warned him not to.

"He was forming a mating bond," Spock said. "Did you agree to that? Now? Here?"

Sarek had closed his eyes at that.

Kirk was shocked. But he knew Sarek wouldn't intentionally force such on him. Perhaps Spock misinterpreted what he saw. He looked over at Sarek, still weak and dazed.

"Yes," Sarek said. "I was. I could not help myself. There is no excuse."

Kirk looked back to Spock, whose eyes were warmer, saddened as he looked at his father. "I was afraid this might happen. That is why I have wanted him bonded before this."

"My son, you are correct," Sarek said. "It was foolish of me to come here."

"You have not been foolish, only hopeful…" Spock's voice grew cold again. "…and selfish." I would wish you another choice as favorable as Mother, but your pride has stripped you of time."

"You should have killed me," Sarek said.

"It is what would be expected," Spock said. "Perhaps I should have."

Kirk bit his tongue and stilled his fists. He wanted to pummel Spock for being so cruel. But at least father and son were speaking.

"Why didn't you?" Sarek only sounded confused and curious. "It would have been far simpler, and right."

Spock looked irritated. "I should have been more aware of your condition."

"I shielded you," Sarek admitted.

Spock's fist tightened. Kirk grew nervous Spock might attack him again. A final time. He wished Sarek wouldn't be so damn forthright at this particular time. Kirk decided Sarek must be only now fully coming to terms with what he had done.

Spock shook his head. "I would never have expected such, especially from you."

"I do not understand why I have been so careless…" Sarek's voice sounded small. "I have felt…empty. As if my control…" He finished in Vulcan as his voice trailed off.

Spock's head jerked up. He had the look he got when he realized the direction a difficult problem should take. He finally turned toward Sarek." Said something in Vulcan, perplexed, almost wondrous.

"Do not look upon me, please," Sarek said.

Spock started to reach for his father's face, but looked apprehensive.

Sarek shook his head. "Do not put yourself through that, my son. It was my error. I will remedy it."

Kirk straightened. He was concerned at what the remedy might be. He felt what shred of a link he had with Sarek slip away. Reached for it, but it was gone. "What is it, Spock? What aren't you telling us?"

Spock looked directly at his father finally since the attack. "I must know more."

"No!" Sarek said. "You have done enough for me already. It was unforgivable. That is all that needs to be known."

"I have never known you to be weak," Spock said, as if figuring a math problem.

Sarek's head fell again. "My actions would prove so. There is little to be done now."

McCoy looked up at that, his expression tightening.

The finality of that sounded chilling to Kirk. "Wait Spock, if there is another way. Some way to give him some time…" Whatever the grievous harm that had been done, Sarek's life wasn't something to be tossed away. He wouldn't allow it, no matter there might be two Vulcans to fight in this.

"If there's a chance…" Kirk felt frustrated with his Vulcans again. They could be so focused on only the surest possibilities they sometimes seemed to suffer in navigation, careening headlong into only what would come.

"I'm open to any other possibilities," McCoy offered into the silence. He made not even the slightest ripple in the argument. He shook his head. "Vulcans," he muttered.

"I must leave," Sarek said. He moved shakily, but his strength seemed to be coming back quickly. Even the possibility of being allowed the time to change Sarek's mind seemed to dissipate with the steam rising from the water. He was out, dry and dressed too quickly as the others seemed wrapped in their own thoughts twisted with doubt and confusion. He stared down the steep hillside of jagged rock.

As Sarek turned to leave, Kirk stepped over to walk with him. Sarek turned and shook his head. "Please, it is best if we stay apart as best we can until…" _I am bonded_, Kirk filled in and felt saddened at their possibilities ending.

If anything, he was even more drawn to Sarek, and felt the hurt more now at the likelihood that he would lose Sarek to another ice princess. That might even be the better scenario, because he wasn't sure Sarek would bond at all. He could still choose his freedom through death. He would be allowed that, and Spock might never know why, before it was too late.

He wished that Sarek would tell Spock of his first marriage. He couldn't help but believe Spock might be more open to another possibility if he knew what his father truly feared. He was tempted to tell Spock himself, but how could Sarek then trust him, even if everything should work out for the best? He was told such in confidence, something he had never told his son.

Kirk felt anxiety ripple through him. "Sarek, I do think a little _forethought and communication_ would work wonders right about now." He had used his commanding tone. If Sarek felt guilt, and it appeared he felt quite a lot of it, this could bring forth some explanation.

Spock looked saddened and guilty as he turned to Kirk, then as if a thought occurred to him. "Let me clarify through a meld." Spock looked in Sarek's direction.

Sarek froze. "And make certain your disillusion in me is sure?"

Spock looked anxious, a little suspicious. "That is one possibility."

Sarek shook his head. "You truly think you might find redemption. That you'll find some strange aberration that might exonerate me of such egregious brutality."

Spock looked away. "You think I could think less of your actions now. Of you."

The urge to pummel Spock arose in Kirk again

Sarek closed his eyes at that. "No," he said, his voice quiet but hoarse. "I have done what I've done. At least Vulcan _enough_ to admit it. You have every right to anything of me."

Spock stared at him, surprised, and swallowed. "I would then demand a meld, no restrictions."

Sarek looked shocked. "Do you despise me so? You would leave not a shred of privacy to me?" He sounded obviously hurt now.

Spock held his father's eyes, "I think I must."

"I would rather jump off this cliff," Sarek said. "Perhaps that might be a compromise." He sounded quite serious.

"I won't allow it," Spock said. "In this I have every right, after what you have done. Your privacy is irrelevant."

"Spock," Kirk said.

Spock stared over at him. "I would think you would want this. It would make everything clear. Nothing could be worse at this point than…what I might find."

Sarek took one last longing look at the cliff, but heeded Spock's demand. "It might be easier for us both if you didn't."

"I cannot live with not knowing, assuming the worst of your character. That you were never who I believed you were." Spock was very calm now.

Suppressing his emotions to the maximum, Kirk realized. He wanted to prove the worst wrong. He wanted to find some reason to exonerate his father. He thought he might, Kirk realized.

Kirk grabbed Spock's arm and squeezed. Often he felt sorry for Vulcans for their biology, but in retrospect, Spock had done the right thing. Had Sarek bonded them, he never would have forgiven himself. Even if it could work out, Sarek would have likely sabotaged it with his own belief he had trapped Kirk, that Kirk might've wished for someone, or something, else. It had to be done with both their consent. Sarek understood that, but had been too weakened to control his body's need, Kirk believed. He didn't understand how Sarek could be so harshly blamed for that.

Sarek walked over, completely bereft of expression and sat along the edge of the pool. Spock quickly left the pool, dried off and got dressed. Spock paused, looking down at his father, who looked out, as if sightlessly. Spock looked hesitant and sat next to Sarek. He took several breaths, obviously uncomfortable with what he felt he needed to do. His compassion for his father, as well as his own fear, showed clear as he reached for the psi points. Sarek stiffened upon contact.

Kirk and McCoy moved to the opposite side of the pool, and looked out over the landscape to give them as much privacy as they could that moment.

Both seemed frozen for so long that Kirk had to imagine Spock's arm muscles were burning. Then the contact was broken, and both sagged, tired and physically relieved. Both faces appeared as stone, no hint as to what Spock found, or what Sarek was aware of his son seeing. Spock looked at his father with the strangest look, as if he hadn't yet decided how he should feel.

Sarek looked even worse than he had before the meld.

Kirk and McCoy sat silent, awaiting the fate of the two, confused by the long, still silence.

Spock shook his head again and then stared at his father.

Sarek still didn't meet his eyes. "I suppose you know all that I kept from you."

Spock sat back, almost fell back, looking stunned.

"How could you?" Spock asked, plaintively.

Kirk felt his heart start to pound. Was it as bad as Spock thought? Even worse?

"How could they?" Spock continued.

Sarek turned to his son, looking confused.

"They?" Sarek asked.

"You never saw a healer after, even after Mother…" Spock looked astonished. "Many things are clear now."

"I should leave now," Sarek said, without a shred of emotion.

"No," Spock said. "I won't allow it."

"I need not return to the cabin," Sarek said.

McCoy piped up, "And where else would a Vulcan go without freezing to death!"

Silence followed. Neither Vulcan looked their way.

"You misunderstand, Father," Spock said. "You will not leave us. A healer will be summoned. I can take over from there. Reparations and justice will be sought on Vulcan."

Kirk and McCoy sat mystified.

Sarek just stared. He looked completely lost. "You would not keep this disgrace in the family?" He had paled.

"It went too far," Spock said. He looked at Sarek, furor in his eyes, his voice cold as ice. "They will pay for their "use". They will pay dearly."

Sarek now shook his head. "They." He looked as if he'd missed some part of this puzzle.

He had many more pieces than Kirk or McCoy. Both stood, no longer able to stand the suspense.

"They took so much from you," Spock said, some warmth mixing with the anger.

Sarek paled at that and looked away, his eyes sealed tight. "Why did you go there, Spock?"

"I had to," Spock said. "I had to understand. To find the root of the damage. Why it continued so."

Sarek looked angry now. "It makes no difference."

"It makes all the difference," Spock said. "I had always sensed a darkness in you. Was afraid to know what you had buried so deep. It explains much."

"It should all end now," Sarek said.

"That is exactly what they thought would protect them, your pride. And what has cost you much." Spock's voice sounded pained. "Did Mother even know?"

"I told her all of it," Sarek said. "I wanted her to know before she agreed to marry me."

"You blame yourself," Spock said. "You've always been arrogant in respect to your ability to solve all problems yourself."

"Her damage was never repaired," Spock said. "Leaving you scarred. Mother's death reopened that wound you should never have been left with. A wound daunting to one so young to begin with."

Sarek blushed.

"Can someone tell me what the hell you two are talking about? McCoy's said.

Sarek looked at Spock, and Spock looked at Kirk. "He told you." He seemed wholly surprised.

Kirk finally realized what they'd been discussing. "About her," his voice laced with anger. But what did that have to do with everything else?

Spock nodded. "He has never told anyone else but Mother." Spock took a long look at Kirk. "Perhaps I misjudged _the both_ of you."

Kirk felt relief at the warmth and concern in Spock's voice, and the apparent understanding and reconciliation. "Can someone tell me what the hell is going on, damnit!"

"The medical records," Spock said. He looked at McCoy in askance, but McCoy only looked bewildered still.

"They had their private doctors," Sarek said. "No records left their estates."

"After her death?" Spock asked.

I had them sealed.

"Father…"

"And what would you have done?" Sarek sound angry now. "At that age, with those circumstances?"

Spock looked down. "Perhaps you are correct. But a healer should have been called."

"As you said, I was arrogant," Sarek said. Perhaps I brought it upon myself."

"A Vulcan that young is arrogant by nature. They knew your age. They knew how to behave. It appears it was all a convenience for them to do what they wished. Your own behavior, in dealing with this then and here shows it still affects you."

"They must pay to the fullest," Spock added.

Sarek looked thoughtful. "I will submit to the healer you choose."

"And I will choose carefully," Spock said softly. "I will not have you endure anymore from this."

"Those medical records?" McCoy hinted so subtly.

Kirk shot him an annoyed look.

Sarek paused, looked at Spock then McCoy, and sighed. "I will have them forwarded to you, Leonard ."

Kirk and McCoy could see Spock ever so slightly edge his hand over until it touched his father's.

Sarek looked up into his son's eyes. "All is forgiven?" Sarek's seemed taken aback.

"There is only my behavior that needs forgiveness," Spock replied.

"The cause was sufficient," Sarek said.

Spock nodded. "Perhaps."

They collected up their things after getting dressed and slipped ahead so that Sarek wouldn't have too much of a lead. Kirk was afraid of arriving at the cabin and finding Sarek cleared out and gone before he might have his say. He still didn't know how, or even if, he fit into this puzzle. He wasn't about to just let Sarek walk away. The link was gone, he wasn't sure Sarek wouldn't disappear from his life.

Kirk stepped over the ridge. Saw Sarek standing close to the lake staring at something. Heard a squalling that sounded so wrenching and sad. He was confused until he spied a mother doe off to the side, nervous of Sarek but fearful for what must be her fawn out on the frozen lake, it's leg lost in a hole opened in the ice. He had a bad feeling as he hurried his way down the steep path. Had to wonder if Sarek's appearance had frightened the deer, causing the little one to step where it shouldn't and break through. Had to wonder what Sarek intended so close to the lake.

When Kirk finally could see what would come of it, it was already too late. Sarek had tried to help the fawn by inching a stick underneath, precariously laid out now upon the edge of the ice. The fawn was pulled free and skittered, almost skating on the ice as it scampered toward its mother, and then Sarek turned to see Kirk just as they both heard the cracks.

End of Chapter Seven (Chapter Eight Coming Soon!)


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